September 1, 2021
Weirdness abounds. Too many pictures. Usually dreams are a small novel. This dream
was a thick encyclopedia.
Dream too long. This is a summarized and condensed version.
I met Jet Li. He was wearing an all black long sleeve shirt. When I met him, I did a brief dance shuffle.
For some reason I met PM Justin Trudeau. He was wearing a white shirt and a purple and black tie, diagonally striped. Stripes medium sized.
Then I went into a weird house that was like a maze. Really weird, all the walls were bookshelves, nothing else. Then I walked a plank from the top of one wall to another. It tools me awhile, but I did eventually make it out of that house.
Then an interview with some young French people in France. One lady said, "Why don't you move back in with your boyfriend?" I said, "I really regret that." There were other questions too.
Strange because I'm not queer. I walked away from them. My dignity and calm was with me.
Then I ran. I ran over a display of a Chinese guy. I knocked over the display and some pieces of chalk in little boxes within a flat tray was dislodged. I stopped to help rearrange them. He sensed I was a noble and worthwhile person. He became my friend for awhile. Then at another room with a curtain, I saw the French people again. They just rode past. I was angry and ready to attack and my Chinese friend was with me. They sensed that. One of the French people rode past from right to left on a bicycle.
Then me and the Chinese guy go into some room. Some people are killing other people on tables. Weird dream. Weird dream! Me and the Chinese guy kill those guys with sharp dental tools.
Then another segment of dreams. High school reunion. Me and the others there were mutually suspicious of each other. I told them about my Royal dreams especially the stagecoach dream. High school reunion over. Standing outside the building the reunion was held in. It was cloudy and raining.
Then riding on bikes at night with someone riding down a hill. I said, "The word hombragardie, the name of your country isn't pronounced as I thought it was pronounced."
Riding to the bottom of the hill, at a street to the left was a whole marching troop of black uniformed Chinese militia. Then near the house that I was to go into, was some regular Chinese civilians. They really wanted to be let into the house too. That's what happened. At the other end of the house outdoors, it was daylight but other Chinese troops were marching down an alley towards us. Some civilians hid in the yard. Soon we were all rounded up. We were all in a detention camp seated on benches. Difficult to describe. The people were seated and almost squatting like going to the washroom, they had no pants on, only an orange shirt. The person in front had their head leaned back on the bench that the person behind was sitting on. I looked down. One person had head leaned back to the person behind him which was a man. He grimaced. The person to his left had his head leaned back to a bench to the person who was seated behind him which was a woman. He was smiling! I shook my head slightly as this was all very irreverent. Then for some reason, I started dancing, making my dance moves. Make the best of a bad situation. It turns out this as all a movie. As the end credits movie played, I was handed two tarts as a treat for my bravery.
Then I ran into the yard wondering if things could have turned out differently. Movie outtakes segment. In the yard there were Chinese civilians. I heard Chinese Communist marching music in the distance. I wondered if I could give them advance warning of the approaching marching troops. Nope. And there were civilians hiding in yards near and adjacent to yards. They would all be rounded up too.
The movie and the dream was over.
An aside: I won't do this ever again, but being depressed two nights ago I read Wikipedia: celebrities who committed suicide. One porn actress refused to do a scene with a guy who had previously done gay porn. "I do research for my body." The backlash she got on the internet caused her to kill herself.
If every lady refused to have sex with any man who previously had gay experiences, there would be a lot less people having sex. Most prostitutes only want money and ask no questions as long as the person doesn't have AIDS. Then a person cannget AIDS from heterosexual sex.
Dreams can reveal conscious or subconscious fears.
I had some gay experiences but this was 30 years ago. Lots of people have gay experiences when they're in college or else when college aged. I wonder if that tainted my reputation? However, all experiences in life are learning experiences even the ones that a person would feel uncomfortable talking about. The lessons I got from those experiences have made me a wiser and a more dignified man.
And I did have sex with quite a few female prostitutes over the years. They didn't ask any questions.
Dreams are highly subjective. For everything I saw in the dream, there were a thousand things I didn't see. I saw one head of state. There are hundreds of heads of state in this world, about 300. Why didn't I see any of them? Why didn't I see any Black, Native, East Indian or Muslim people in the dream?
Will the dream come true? I read on the internet that after a landslide that killed hundreds in England in the 1930s, some of the ones who died reported having violent nightmares.
Will there be a Chinese military invasion rounding up the Chinese as in my dream, no White people were rounded up. Dreams have a bullshit aspect. If any foreign army was to invade, everyone would be rounded up, not only just select races of people. Two days ago in real life, I saw a red tent awning at City Hall, 'The Communist Party of Canada'. That scared me a little. Communism is scary. However, I think the Communist party of Canada makes a distinction between Marxist Leninist Communism and other types of Communism. Who knows? Who cares?
Pictures way too hard to draw. I won't even try. Count yourself lucky you got the description. What does it mean? No idea. I think this nightmare dream means that the coronavirus pandemic will never ever fucking end. Fucking ever!
Since we're all fucked, should I ask my junkie friend to score some heroin to end my life? What kind of life would be left if the pandemic never ends? I'd rather die on my terms. Why did a painful wretched square death over three days when I can die a painless rockstar death in less than ten minutes. Enough opiates and the organs shut down pretty quickly as it's overwhelmed with the sheer volume of toxic chemicals. However lacking technical knowledge, what if I fuck it up? I'd be left with a life far worse than death.
I promise I will never kill myself as that would make me a murderer - of self. Live or die, I will leave it in God's hands. Suicide is the dark side of the force, Sith. Leaving it in God's hands is the light side of the force, Jedi. I am a Jedi, like my father was before me.
The pandemic will fucking end one day!!!! Wtf!
How to handle dreams: However bat-shit crazy a dream is, I always always always wind up waking up from it. There the one in a million chance of the dream where I won't ever wake up from, I guess, but in that dream, I've won the lottery. No more of life's tawspdry worries and emotional blackmail, ie do this or you'll starve and or die.
The vast majority of dreams are forgotten about half a week later if not half an hour after waking up. Even the bat-shit crazy ones are soon enough forgotten.
Freud said that most dreams are forgotten, a few he remembered since childhood but those are very few and far in between.
Takeaways: 1. You are most likely if not guaranteed to live and wake up from even the most bat-shit crazy dreams.
2. Dreams are mostly forgotten soon after, unless you write them down. Even those ones, a lot are forgotten two months later.
When someone quits smoking pot which suppresses dreams, after quitting smoking pot, dreams become more intense as this is a well known phenomenon called the rebound effect. This lasts from two weeks to a month or more.
Thursday, September 2, 2021
At an indoor zoo, glassed in. A bear had escaped. It saw me, ran towards me but I was able to get behind a glass door with a metal frame which locked Kepong me safe. The bear ran around some more. Then the Conservation Agents arrived and the bear was placed lying on a white gurney. It's head was removed! But the conservation agent said that it was still alive. That was their way of transporting it. Dreams weird as usual.
A short dream, not like the megalothalon of yesterday.
Saturday, September 4, 2021
I was with a group, a foster family. The dinner table within a glass building with railing and stairs and to the left. The foster mother was a blonde lady with long hair and and a great body. For some reason I was really close to her. Me and her were walking.
To the right, emerging from another glass building, I saw US President Barack Obama! He looked younger like when he was first inaugurated and he was wearing a black trenchcoat over the usual suit, shirt and tie etc. News walking behind a slim young black man also wearing a black trenchcoat.
Then after I saw the blonde foster mother naked on a bed. She stood up. I then hugged her and rubbed her cunt slightly telling her, "I've done this before for Heather." and could make her feel better. We hugged. I remember hugging her and seeing and feeling her breasts.
We walked again. The same glass building on the right. Someone yelled "Archie!" But I believe they were indirectly referring to me as a black lady and a black man emerged walking behind her. They were both wearing black trenchcoat but they didn't seem threatening. They seemed like decent somewhat high ranking government workers.
Sunday, September 5, 2021
Scary. I was asked to take part to go into a room with a tall grey metallic drawers. I was asked to steal and replace a couple million dollars. This belongs to a mobster, gangster, criminal boss.
Then later, sitting in a room with some of the people who asked me to do it, a member of the gang, mob, whose money was pilfered with entered the room with a large stick resembling a golf club. He was there to hunt for the one who took the money! I wear there pretending to know nothing. He passed very close to me as ing the golf club. Then he left. It all seemed so real at the time as dreams often are like that.
I woke up with the thought, "I haven't seen Maria in 12 years." Perhaps a reference to Catholicism. I was so relieved when I woke up that it was a dream and not real!
"Dreams make good stories. But the important things happen when we're awake." Jason Momoa, Dune
I hope I'm able to get the vaccine passport as I've had two shots so I could see Dune part 1 in December in the theatres.
NEVER NORMAL Brighton*
*Source: YouTube: Brighton, England - Full Walking Tour. From: Wanderizm
Note to self: Don't worry about trying to be normal. In life or otherwise. Like perfection, there's no such thing. It is what it is.
Pandemic or even when the pandemic is over. One thing that will remain unchanged is that dreams tend to be crazy, like bat-shit cray cray. The more recent dreams are shocking in their newness. However a year or more later the dream will seem innocuous, dulled and tamed with then passage of time. No dreams ever repeated themself 100% or even nearly. So there's that.
Monday, September 6, 2021. Labour Day
I was in the house of an old Chinese man. He wasn't there. The vibe of the house was old, old. Like someone old enough to nearly die of natural causes. The walls of the house were orange. In the hallway, I tried to turn off the lights as a favor. The light switches. Most of them worked but a few didn't so the lights stayed on. In the kitchen was a window showing a night sky, to the left of that a table, to the left of the table a darkened doorway. There was a dark brown colored carpet in the middle of that kitchen. I picked up a few things that were on the carpet. Then I danced to diffuse the energy. I am a good dancer but dancing makes much more sense in this world than in the dreamworld. In this world I have music I can connect with over and over again via headphones and a Sony mp3 player I got for $130.
Then a Chinese restaurant was supposed to open. While waiting at another restaurant with long ramps and a line up of people, the owner of the Chinese restaurant to open was behind the counter. I danced at that place too.
Tuesday, September 7, 2020
I was at a hospital pushing a young nurse in a wheelchair. There were lots of people there. At one point, I kissed the young nurse on the lips. A flurry of activity, lots of people. Dream barely remembered. Hallways full of people. I was chasing a smart friend trying to catch up with him.
Then during the chase I passed an impromptu Chinese restaurant as part of the hallway of the hospital. There were two young Chinese ladies working there. I asked for noodles from the glass case and some meat. I was given an oval dish. An older Chinese man was behind me. He was stout, in his mid to late 50s wearing a dark blue jacket and had black glasses on. He was eating an orange fish with bones. I thought of having some of that too. It looked good. Then a young Chinese guy jumped on the counter. I looked at him slightly and looked away. I don't like to stare at people, especially at men. I will give a somewhat longer look at women but not too long as to be staring. Anyways more eating. A short while later I saw the young Chinese man again seated more normally across the table. I said a friendly "Hey!" to him. I took off my shirt because of the hot temperature. Then it seemed unseemly and I said to all, "I'm sorry I took off my shirt. It was hot. I'll put it on again. I'm not much to look at as I'm 50." There was a second of them agreeing and disagreeing with what I said. I'm in a dream! I might not look 50! In dreams and in the afterlife, etc people always look young. I found out recently that Islamic people really believe that.
They were clearing the plates. I didn't know it then but I was about to wake up. They knew that which is why they were clearing the plates. I asked about my meal. There were remnants of it still on the plate. I wake up.
Today, I plan to go to a restaurant that used to be a hospital. And I am planning to see Shang Chi and the Ten Rings. Hospital, then Chinese restaurant part. There is a similarity.
Otherwise I'm still going through life scared every day which although it might not reflect my objective reality, it sure reflects my subjective reality! These days I go through life scared shitless and there are times that I wonder whether I'll last another five minutes let alone to the rest of the day. Really! I severely doubt I'll make it another week, let alone another year. I'm in my 50s for goodness sake and there is a global pandemic with vaccine passports coming up. All this is uncharted waters. Will I make it another year?
Would I make it to age 60. I somehow doubt it.
Willy make it?
Betty won't.
-old joke
".....John Grimm who was right, he was going to die there." Curious Case of Benjamin Button
I wonder if I'll make through the next five minutes, or another week, or another year. I'm 51 years old, would I make it to 60? The answer to all of that is "I don't know." Or maybe it's, "Yes!!"
I really don't know. No idea. Pray for me. Good prayers.
About the Chinese, I read online that a lot of rich and influential people in China holding dual citizenship are more or less forced to give up their dual citizenship. Crackdown. Choose one citizenship or another. If they're in China, the pressure is on for them to renounce or else give up their UK, US, or Canadian citizenship.
I wonder about me? First of all, I'm only just barely Chinese. I barely speak the language and I don't have dual citizenship anyways. I'm on welfare for fuck sake and on a disability pension for mental illness I guess, although at this point I wonder if I am brain damaged because I feel scared shitless every day. Will I ever be confident and happy again or even for the first time? I don't know.
I never ever go on Chinese social media platforms ever.
Whereas these people are rich, made money in China, use Chinese social media platforms a lot which is part of how they got rich.
Even if a person was a poor to middle class Chinese tourist with a dual citizenship in China, as long as you left before your visa expires, they want care about your dual citizenship. You'd be too poor to be of any consequence.
Wednesday, September 8, 2021
I was about to move in and live in a house. A Black lady kicks me out. Her family moves in too, her husband and two children. I hide in the house for awhile. Then as I am about to finally leave out the front door, I am given a meal. I thoughtfully take the wrapper of the meal with me.
I go into a beige stone hut. A Boba Fett Star Wars character is there. I tell him what happened.
Then return to the neighborhood where the house is. Night time. There is a curved path leading to the house.
Thursday, September 9, 2021
Awesome dream.
I was in a large room. Total Star Wars. I am talking to a Boba Fett character one floor down. All kinds of high tech Stars Wars consoles around me. The whole room had one color, metallic grey. There is a tiny floating cube with me whom I sense is friendly to me. It emits blue lasers, sometimes one stream, sometimes three.
Then I go to another place. A Star Wars theme park. There is a large group of people with me. Outside the theme park is a video game that's part of a large stone monument. It has to do with a car chase and shooting white lasers. Total and complete Star Wars.
Inside is a large hall of all kinds of video games. There are real pretty ladies there and I talk to them. More Star Wars video games. One game has three sliding doors in one, like a triptych featuring three Egyptian dancing ladies when those doors open but still very Stars Wars.
We leave. I am sitting on a bench outside the theme park. This long bench and picnic table set up is also a moving vehicle. Some people who seem somewhat familiar sit around me. We are transported out of there.
Most people who describe their dreams don't have much writing skills, a lot of people are pigs when it comes to writing style. And most people can't draw worth a lick. I'm different, I guess but not to any point where it makes me money so I can improve my life.
Don't know at all if I will or even can draw pictures of this. Even for an artist with skill, some pictures are really difficult to draw. I draw them and what happens? It's like like I could get any money from this to help me in my life situation. I'd like to have enough money to move into the James Bay Inn or else the Menzies Apartments. Or some place near the Dallas Road beach. Hopefully in those places I won't have problems with neighbours. Ironically, a neighbour once told me, "There will always be people who want something from you, avoid them."
This dream journal with illustrations is a gold mine. The royalties should get me enough to get a BMW. But the forces of life don't work that way for me. Some corporation is getting the money. Publishing is a very dishonest business. This could be published on the dark web for money or people could order ready made hardcover or softcover books from any blog off of Google. I certainly don't see any money from that. The forces of life are always kicking me in the teeth.
It isn't over yet. I'm not dead yet! I can perhaps get royalties for this in the future, for all I do, writings, art, cartoons etc
I don't know what to do. Dreams are too intense. I'm thinking of smoking pot regularly again. My life is a mess. That handicapped lady is still in my life and due to weakness and being a chump, I wind up doing things for her. I fear this is going to be indefinite. For months and years to come. Maybe even after the pandemic ends too. As a result, my future is completely gutted. It ruins my stay here.
Always wherever I live, neighbours. Its neighbours that dig in to me and siphon my energy and ruin my life. Neighbours above bringing their friends in off the street and noise on the ceiling. Neighbour below likes to play music very loud for hours on end every day, for years. These two neighbours have since moved out, thank goodness. Neighbour to my left flips out, Flippy McFlipout, bonkers. Smash! Crash! "Fuck!!!!!" "Fuck!!!!!"
Other neighbour to my right likes to feed mice and be birds all the time, also a well known middleman for selling cigarettes. As a result the handicapped lady I was talking about who smokes two cartons a week is outside my door twice a week. Yesterday, she retardedly waited for over half an hour for him to return. I told her that he goes to some place and won't be back for an hour. I then wheel her in her wheelchair to his room when he does return.
I can't handle life. Life scares the shit out of me.
All these chicken shit, chicken feet neighbours. There was one neighbour who was relentlessly mooching me just about every day for four years.
I was always assuming it would stop. For a long while, it never stopped.
In Dawson Creek, there was a crazy psychotic drunk girl neighbour who always wanted to borrow my guinea pigs. How crazy is that?!
Neighbours are the worst people. Dan Akroyd, John Belushi: Neighbors. Yeah, neighbours! They are the bane of my existence. These neighbours are beyond your can I borrow a cup of sugar neighbours.
That's life. I generate a certain kind of energy and get a worse kind of energy in return. Always always.
I'd like to give up on life. But what can I do? I'm not going to commit suicide. I really like this room and set up and I'm not going to let the handicapped lady drive me away. I don't have to work for her anymore or at all. But me being weak, me being a chump, me being a nice guy, me being a sport, I wind up doing these small tasks for her and I see no end to this. She calls me "baby" too. How insufferable. I don't see her every day like I used to. On the days I do work for her, it winds up being less than 5 minutes of work a day. Once a month I have to wheel her to the hair salon to get her facial hairs waxed. It's typically an hour wait or slightly more than that. But waiting isn't the same as working. She is generous and pays me $20 often for the little bit of work that I do. That makes a difference.
I hope for her sake that she gets moved to assisted living. The landlord really wants that as well. But the retarded anemic medical system of this country! She clearly needs help! Nurses visit her and help her but they never do nearly enough. My life is fucked.
Between her obesity, smoking two cartons a week and the pills she takes, and her messy slovenly ways, she might die in that room. The landlord told me that he very much thinks that will happen. There is no good ending with this one.
I would somewhat miss her when or if she gets moved into assisted living.
If or when if I trust the medical system, but it's when or if because I don't really believe it is as efficient here as it is in Europe especially the Scandinavian countries which have an excellent medical system.
Crazy life when I am awake. Crazy dreams when I sleep. Crazy paranoid psychosis when I smoke pot in an attempt to escape. Life is just too much for me. I don't want it. However I am forced to live it. I go through life scared shitless wondering how or if I'll make it another week, if it were possible to die from mental collapse.
The forces of life always have a way of kicking me in the teeth. With that handicapped lady, my future is gutted. What a buzz kill.
Although, one never knows what will happen in the future. Problems as according to a cosmic equation always simultaneously go on longer than expected and also end sooner than expected. So who knows?
Friday, September 10, 2021
Went to a flea market in Vancouver. One person was selling the newest Star Wars action figures for $15 each. I only had $50 with me. I bought 3.
I went home to get the other $100 that I had to get more action figures. Visited another seller. Was selling an Aliens action figure, the alien itself for $10.
I wanted to get back to the other seller at the flea market now that I had my $100. He said that he closed at five. It was too far away. Not enough time. Didn't make it there.
No illustrations. I don't know if I'll ever do another cartoon. The way things are going, I don't know if I'll be alive in a year, let alone in ten years.
Saturday, September 11, 2021
Visited Dawson Creek at night. Went to the Alaska Hotel which since burnt down. However in the dream, the AH was on the East side of the street. In real life, it was on the West side of the street. Going in, I saw the old proprietress, Heidi. I sat down. A couple of unfriendly guys sat next to me. They asked me about dope. Strange. I quit smoking pot awhile ago. I left, then winding my way west on 102nd Street to a farm field. They followed me and attacked me. However, I was able to fight them off.
I went to another field. Some Chinese people owned that field. I told the Chinese proprietor there that some people were "soe yue" me, meaning disturbing me. Two more people attacked me but I defended myself shoving long white wooden planks through the mouth of one of them.
More but I don't remember at all now.
I woke up, looked at the clock and it was 5:47.
47 is a good luck number for me.
What a relief it was when I woke up! The hidden advantage of having negative nightmare dreams is that it's a real relief when I wake up.
I hate dreams. At any other time, from 10am to midnight for instance when I sleep, there is no dreams. Heavy sleep and with no dreams at all. Dreams usually always always arrive between 3 am and 6 am or thereabouts. If one can stay awake during those hours, they can greatly cut down on their vivid dreams at the risk of not feeling well rested. I hate these weird shit vivid dreams.
Sunday, September 12, 2021
Riding a bus through streets at night. Some passengers with me. I was riding on the back end side seats, starboard side of the bus. Someone brought up Frank Sinatra.
Was hanging out at a library. Someone there noted that I was hanging out there often. I was walking up some ramps lined against the wall to leave the library. Walking up means ascension, promotion. Imwasnt walking down which means demotion, perhaps death.
I saw Superman. He was standing tall on a roof. I made a joke. "There is a job in Florida. They're going to fly Superman down there." Funny because redundant. Superman can fly himself! Some missiles coming in and exploding. I hit the ground thinking I was going to die. I didn't die.
At two grocery store checkouts. The grocery stores looked very similar with slight differences. Each time, there were a lot of Police Officers there wearing all black, t-shirts and pants with the word POLICE written in white lettering on their t-shirts.
I have to, want to, stop writing about my dreams. Why are they so vivid and crazy? I'll try to only write about the good heavenly dreams from now on. But the nightmare dreams have high ratings and often are the most interesting.
I think that my future is doomed and these nightmares dreams are the cobblestones that form the road of my doomed existence.
Tuesday, September 14, 2021
In a nutshell.
Trip to Mexico to prepare a feast. Upon leaving, Anthony Bourdain was there in a crowded room with lots of people feasting. Upon leaving the room, reflected that he committed suicide and was sad.
Teaching as a schoolteacher in one room and then another. The rooms had orange-yellow walls.
Trip to outer space with a bunch of people. Looking out of window, two silvery explosions descending to the ground. Alien invasion. All people running away. A lot of people slaughtered and turned to grisly skeletons. Some aliens ran away and hid behind and under some structures. I escaped too.
Walking around a park. Some people holding up vaccine passport smiled and said 'You got this!'
There are two types of dreams. Trophy dreams and useless shit dreams. Total bonkers nightmare! I only get a trophy dream once every two or three years where aliens, good celebrities, Royalty shows up and heavenly sweet vibes. The rest of the time, it's useless shit dreams. It's my weakness and OCD that makes me even talk about my shit dreams on even a nutshell level like the one I had last night.
From now on, I only want to talk about my trophy dreams. Useless shit dreams are useless.
Wednesday, September 15, 2021
2 am.
At a department store. Word was Elon Musk was there. There were security guards walking around. They were friendly.
"He inherited $46 million."
"I wish I inherited $46 million." I said.
After walking around for awhile, I met Elon Musk! Then we sat at a table. He was laughing. He had a small glass of beer at that table. I told him that I did science fiction cartoons. That I was interested in his space program! I was thinking of talking to him about his Tesla hybrid cars but didn't know enough about them.
He then visited my room which for some reason was at or very close to that department store. He thought my room would be a good place to launch his next promotion. I had a strange computer set up that my brother set up. I wanted to get a selfie with him. He agreed. The dream ended before I was able to.
Crazy vivid dreams. A good but crazy dream.
5:30 am - 7:15 am
Walking around. I met Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.
First I was waiting for the light to change at an intersection.
Then I met them again in a library. They were sitting together. Ben Affleck was sitting to Matt Damon's right. Matt Damon was wearing a white sweatshirt and Ben Affleck was wearing a dark purple shirt and he had a beard. I said to them, "Good luck on your next movie!" They said, "Yeah." It seemed so real at the time.
Good dream but crazy. Are these trophy dreams? I don't know.
Thursday, September 16, 2021
This is where it ends. No dream story. Just a note saying that I can't do it anymore. Too many dreams, too long, too vivid, too crazy and my life is crazy enough as it is.
I refuse to do it anymore. It would never end and I don't know of anyone else in my life doing this.
Dreams are necessary. A YouTube video said if a person doesn't dream for 30 days, they'll be dead. Either weird bat-shit crazy dreams or die.
Anything else in life is escapable. Don't like a person or a town? Move to another one.
Dreams? No escape from night time dreams and they just have to be so crazy all the time.
I don't know how much longer I will be alive. Life seems so uncertain.
Perhaps once more.
I was on a train. Perhaps in Russia perhaps in Poland. As I got off the train and was ushered into an area inside a building, I said "Probowac." meaning "I'll try." in Polish.
Inside this building, I saw an area where the female prostitutes were. One beautiful young lady leaned forward and I could see her perfectly shaped breasts. I thought, "I'm more into older women." Wandered around and as I was leaving, I urinated onto some stone burners outside. The stone burners were covered with winter snow.
At another area, I met an ideal granny whom was my date and girlfriend of the moment.
I went with this girlfriend into a used items store where there were large glass fishtanks all of them with crocodiles of various sizes in them. The fishtanks were lined up side to side all in a row. The proprietor of the store was there too.
Going outside of this shop were some large white pitbull dogs. I stepped into a crater right next to one of these pitbulls and just avoided it.
The next segment of the dream, I was in a swimming pool. I grabbed a rope hanging from the ceiling with a broken pretzel knot. Grabbing this knot, I was able to live flat and to go from one end of the pool to another. I thought of a royal dream, THE Royal dream where I was lying flat on a white carved wooden palanquin. I even looked to the right and down like I did in that dream as I was going up and down in the water while lying flat and holding on to the pretzel knotted rope. There were others around the swimming pool cheering me on.
On the edge of the pool was Janet Jackson and Molly Ringwald was sitting to her right. Janet Jackson was talking about some musical deal or contract she was part of.
I later thought that Janet equals January. And the 2 L's in the word Ringwald equals 11. Dream over.
Again, bat-shit crazy as a shit house rat long vivid dream. Apparently, a person will die if they don't have a single dream in 30 days* so I'm stuck with these crazy dreams. To quote Marisa Ryan, "You'll think I'm making this up. I think I'm making this up!!"
*Source: YouTube. Why Do We Dream? Lucid, DMT... From: AfterSkool
"Dreams make good stories but all the important things happen when were awake." Jason Momoa, Duncan Idaho - Dune 2021
Friday, September 17, 2021
I was with a Chinese lady I used to know. She is the wife of a Chinese landlord now. I spent time with her. I saw her open mouth, lips, as she was sitting on my lap. I kissed her. Then I got it on with her. I was lying down, my penis was pointing up and she sat on top of me.
Then there was a large fury brown abdomen spiders. I tried to catch it.
I picked up a grey object called a digitizer.
Then at a Star Wars theme park with my family. At the cafeteria section. I wanted to order something and ordered a chicken and fries basket for $20. I thought the $30 was too expensive. The employees were really friendly to me somehow knowing that I scored with the Chinese lady.
It took a long time for the order to come through. I ran in a skating motion around the area. A lady said to me, "This is a family area. We don't need the skating!" She was apparently a master of comic book store sarcasm. I looked at her and said, "What do you care?" Or something dismissive like that.
I then skated to her and said, "My name is Dean Noble and that's the name of my YouTube channel. I animate cartoons."
I saw one of the cartoons I animated on a tablet. It was a Star Wars cartoon of people in a ship that was lifting off.
I went back and waited for my order which came in. It was smaller than expected. After I ate, I brought the wire basket to the dishwasher area. I was told where it was when I couldn't find it at first. I then tried to juggle some of the cutlery but didn't do a good job.
Then I went back to the dining area where I was skating. I saw that girl who yelled at me about the skating. She was beautiful, young and voluptuous with shoulder length reddish brown mushroom style hair. She was interested in me! I told her that I got it on with three girls yesterday. She said, "Three? I thought it was more like two!" She then said, "I have a great body." And she was revealing her nipples at the time as her shirt was hiked down.
We sat down at a table. Nicholas Cage was there. I said "Nicholas Cage! Glad to meet you! I've seen your movies!" We shook hands. I then tried quoting one of his movies. "He did this, he did that. He had food then cutlery then plates." It was weird.
Then we had to leave. We were standing on a balcony extending to stairs on either side. Just before leaving the dining area of the Star Wars theme park, Stan Lee of Marvel comics looking old and with glasses wearing a grey shirt and he searched my pockets. He found the digitizer I found earlier. It was in my left hand back pants pocket. It was Stan Lee's digitizer! I said, "Stan Lee!" in amazement. But he went away quickly without any further acknowledgement.
Stan Lee was wearing black steel framed sunglasses. A sign of the dead. He also ran away quickly before I could shake his hand as he sensed I would want to. A dead spirit doesn't shake hands with a living spirit!
Leaving the area with the lady with the red hair who was clinging to me lovingly, I said to her, "My family hasn't been able to find me again. In that way, I'm like ET."
Stan Lee as I saw him in the dream holding his digitizer.
Me and the girl slid down a highway at night trying to find Vancouver. At some point she told me she was from Alberta. We slid and then saw some football players. She said, "Those football players are gorgeous." I told her, "I have a great body too." I had been meaning to tell her that back when she told me she had a great body but didn't do it then.
Then sensing we were near my destination, in the distance I saw Eugene Levy and Dave Thomas as highway Somers installing a highway streetlamp.
Then going around a highway turnpike, Eugene Levy and Dave Thomas were right there. They were highway patrol cops. They questioned where we were going. The lady with me was losing strength, fainting. I was holding her up, propping her up. I reached between her legs in an effort to still prop her up. Dream over.
Some dreams you don't want to wake up from. This world, or the dreamworld on the other side, there is no getting away from being overwhelmed with the chaos and stress. Existence in this dynamic or the weird time dynamic of the afterword dreamworld is chaotic and overwhelming. I'm scared. Now I'm back to the pandemic vaccine passport reality of this slowed down world.
I'm thinking of moving to Vancouver because I miss the vibes of Vancouver but I would miss a lot of people and things about this town. There's no winning in life, I guess. If I move to Vancouver and want to come back here to live years later, there's no way I can do it as rents are too expensive. In either city. Where there's a will, there's a way.
I have had dreams about the Chinese landlords wife before! I knew them when they weren't married as well.
The last time I saw my family was right after all of us being at a restaurant.
Scary, scary. Life is scary. Happiness comes with difficulty. It's so very easy to be scared. I hope to be able to be happy one day and not just scared all the time. Was I born to be depressed and scared? If so, I wish that I had died instead of my mother. I'd go back in a time machine and trade my life for hers.
Whatever.
10 pm. - 12 am.
Day time. I was firing a machine gun that made three different sounds. Then to my left, an army officer pulls up atop a tank. I say to him, "I thought this was an all White army but I see some soldiers who are not White."
Sunday, September 17, 2021
A whopper of a nightmare.
Daytime. I was walking with my short fat girlfriend Heather. She has lots of facial hair. Even to the point that it extended into deer antlers on the side of her face.
Night time. We were on top of a red car. She said, "Look into my eyes, what do you see?" And she names some rock groups of the 80s. Then she falls head first and I hear a crack like breaking porcelain. I look and she is under a car. Then paramedics arrive. A long white car. She is on a bed. I tell the paramedics what she said. "Look into my eyes what do you see?" I then tell the paramedics that I would be willing to marry her. The paramedic said, "Look after her."
Then as I am squatting down examining the scene, I see an FBI agent wearing a light blue shirt and wearing glasses standing to my left about 12 feet away. He says, "What's up?"
Another dream, same night. Night time. I am at a hospital reception desk. Two Thai men then sit in front of me, facing me. I recognize one of them as a Thai Buddhist Priest. I say in Thai, "Pom mie koy hin Pra yue nie rong payaban." Meaning, I've ever seen a Thai Priest in a hospital, which is wrong. I have seen one in a hospital in Bangkok years ago.
That's it. Judging from the crazy dreams I have and the frequency thereof, I think that when I die, I won't go to heaven or hell but to limbo which is a crazy chaotic holographic carbon copy of this Earth. Few are good enough to go to heaven. Few are bad enough to go to hell. Most go to where their dreams take them and with no escape and that is to Catholic limbo. When I sleep I'm scared. When I wake up and go through life I'm scared. I can't stop volunteering helping my handicapped fat girlfriend. I am always doing chores for her. This wipes out my future horizons. I will be working for her for the indefinite future. This s a buzz kill. I can't smoke pot and not be terrified and ultra paranoid of this.
My life is fucked. I'm doomed. Going to Vancouver for a short vacation won't erase this future. The only way is that I move to Vancouver. However I like this town as much as Vancouver so it's a difficult decision. One is only trading one set of advantages and disadvantages for another. I am truly doomed. I hope that God or Jesus can help me but I don't know if they will. Hopefully me helping my girlfriend with doing slight chores can create the good karma to lift me to a better situation. But at age 51, what better situation could there be for me in the future? I might be dead soon if fear, stress, uncertainty and mental collapse could do it. I don't know.
There is a place reserved only for the living spirits and it's the annoyingly crazy chaotic limbo place of dreams. There is another place reserved only for the spirits of the dead and we just about never if ever visit there in dreams although according to YouTube videos, some people have visited briefly in near death experiences.
YouTube comment, "Boomers are so scripted that they're scared to sleep."
Do dreams come true? Is the FBI after me? I'm on welfare, a very minor player. Am I something the local Police or the RCMP couldn't handle without the FBI being after me too? I once heard a cop in this town in 2011 say to a panhandler, "The FBI are after you." I wonder if that was also meant for me? That was in 2011! If the FBI was after me, they're sure taking their old sweet time about it. They have bigger fish to fry.
When I left Church today I saw a GeekSquad van parked across the street. Was that for me? They would've talked to me if they were. I don't think that GeekSquad is the same as the actual Police.
In dreams I would all of a sudden fly. Would that happen in real life?
The FBI doesn't just arrest people. They protect people as well. The FBI wrote that aliens come from the Thala which is the spirit world, holographic world, limbo. The truth is out there. X-Files. The FBI knows more about the dream world than they let on. On some level, they could be protecting me and isn't that nice? Who knows?
They don't protect just me, they protect just about everyone. Just like the Police.
My dreams scare me on a daily basis or nightly basis. I wonder if this pandemic and the vaccine passport will ever end? Or will it get worse like quarantine camps they have now in Australia? If it gets worse, I hope that I am killed quickly. Or as some people have said, looking at someone very old and crippled, "If I ever get to be like that, shoot me."
I think I'm doomed. Will I be alive in one year? I don't know.
"No idea is too crazy." Daisy Ridley, Asteroid Hunters IMAX
No dream is too crazy.
This blog is a publisher's wet dream. Too bad I don't see any of the money.
Monday, September 20, 2021
I was wearing a strange head ornament with two steel balls dangling on either side. The balls were about 9 inches wide. This was a martial arts training object. I was to move and weave around. The balls would move in a way as to never hit my head. This reminds me of the drums with two roles and two balls attached, one on each rope in Karate Kid 2.
There was another slightly older Chinese man wearing the same thing and martial arts training with me. Dreams teach.
Then I went into another room and ate Chinese style chicken and noodles from a large rectangular stainless steel container.
The hits just keep on coming. The dreams, the crazy shits just keep on coming.
Vivid somewhat nightmare dreams are apparently healthy. A sign of good health. Better than flat dreams or worse, no dreams at all.
I have been eating in some of my dreams. In one redemt dream, I was eating nougat and deep fried food submerged in water, in the dream, I didn't care.
Buddhism talks about pretas or hungry ghosts. Am I a hungry ghost? I hope not. I do eat often. From what I understand, pretas have small mouths along with large appetites which are never satisfied. That's not me at all.
Wednesday, September 22, 2021
I saw my father at an underground hardware store that looks a lot like the picture above. Dark with a wooden railing. I was happy to see him, even childishly gleeful. He was stern. The stern demeanour was for two reasons. One, I didn't realize I was dreaming and he did and that was his nonverbal way of neither agreeing nor disagreeing that I was really there and awake as spirits usually do. Second, he was dead and I don't know it. He may or may not still be alive.
Thursday, September 23, 2021
Last night my dream was a young White brown haired crew cut man was driving me in a car on a bridge. I got out of the car and saw a young couple sitting on a bench. I looked back to again see the blonde haired lady whose face was then partially by her male friend.
I then went to a West End hotel next to the bridge that I used to stay at. The hotel I was looking at minutes before the dream on Google street view and thus it was incorporated into the dream. I went through a wrong door leading to the center of the hotel. Endless windowless unlit hallways. Some of the doors of the rooms were metallic and grey instead of the usual brown or else white wooden doors. I was lost. I can back to the lobby and told that this other door led outside.
In one room near the lobby lived a brown long slightly curly haired young lady I used to know. She was very sweet with me, even sexual. She wanted to see my cock and I showed it, fully erect. Right after that, I noticed a lady looking in through the window.
She told me she was often expecting guests. Then a young Chinese gangster wearing all white, white pants, white jacket sat next to me to my right and told me he was attacked. I said, in Cantonese, "Gumm yim Joong?" So serious? I then said, "Yew boe saow." Revenge is needed. Dream over.
All white equals Royal!
More to the dream but I won't get into it.
Native Indians or First Nations people believe that the dreamworld is more real than this World. They also believe that the waking world is also a dream, it is a dream within a dream. They believe that would have two halves. One half is in the waking world and the other half is in the dream world. Each world gives us a clue about ourselves and the world and the two halves of the soul which is ultimately meant to unite and sync. For eg we see walls, floors, ceilings, doors in this world and it gives us a clue as to what floors, walls, ceilings, doors that are also often seen in the dream world mean.
They say that techniques like consulting a shaman and using ayahuasca can help with uniting and syncing the two halves of the soul. I have problems with that. Firstly, consulting shamans and shamanism sounds like a scam meant to coopt people into some long term systematic bullshit where you need to continually consult and pay money. Kind of like religion. The other, ayahuasca sound like drug abuse and one shouldn't use weird strange drugs. The less drugs you use, the better. I already have problems with tobacco, coffee and aspirin. I need need more drug problems in my life! I thought of using marijuana again. As long as it's not more than a $50 a month problem. Get a quarter ounce of weed for $50 once a month and that's it. Problem is, once you really get going, it's hard to stop. I don't use weed now. Last time I smoked, the paranoia was through the roof and I thought that I am too crazy when I'm trying to be normal and that people are planning to kill me because I'm too crazy. Why haven't they done it already? Or I'll be killed within a year. Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not after you! I'll smoke weed when I can be absolutely convinced that people aren't planning to kill me. I need to look for clues. Maybe the world of humanity that is around me can help.
I think if I go to Vancouver again, some people in Vancouver will kill me. Well, my life is going nowhere anyways. It would circumvent years if not decades of poverty.
I love Native people. They have helped me a lot in my life. A lot. I am also writing this on the unceded territory of the Salish, the Songhees and the Lekwungen people. This land has heavenly vibes. Especially in Vancouver at Vanier Park and at UBC. I am glad to live here. If I ever inherit a lot of money, I want to love at Parkview Towers at Vanier Park. Or else at an apartment near Oppenheimer Park in the Eastside of Vancouver. Good vibes.
Friday, September 24, 2021
Day time: Was at Library of my old elementary school. Just as I was reaching up to the bookshelf to get an Asterix comic, my old elementary school PE teacher, Mr Nagano said, "You are not allowed to get the books on the right and on the left either." I looked at him. I said, "Yes sir." I thought of saying, "Yes, Mr Nagano." But I didn't. Sensing I was barred from the library, I left and went to another Library.
A security guard got a phone call just as I went in to the other Library. It was about me. The security guard wrote down my name. He wrote Qing in cursive handwriting. There were two old female teachers there. I talked to them about Mr Nagano barring me. They said, "Mr Nagano is strict like that."
The weird thing is the day after I had the dream, I clicked on to a YouTube video, Android of Space, a movie with Tom Hardy. One of the stars of that movie is Xu Qing. Qing! That name!
Leaving that library, I got into a car with some children. I tried to ignore the children as much as possible. I don't talk to children unless I have some specific reason to which is never.
Night time: I got out of the car and floated up. I imagined myself to be a satellite drone.
Then I passed over flying. One boy said through a window. "He gave me a poisoned glazed donut."
Then into a room with a ramp with water flowing up it. Robert Downey Jr was trying to get p the ramp but it was electrified and so was the water. I grabbed metallic pipes lining the ramp to turn off the electricty. I said that one of my powers was being able to neutralize electricity. Robert Downey Jr said that he had to leave just then. A security guard came into the room and he was there to reassure me. Robert Downey Jr never returned. Dream over.
Saturday, September 25, 2021
I was flying flying and flying and flying at night through the SkyTrain neighborhoods of Vancouver. At one point I attempted to call my brother on a payphone. The toll was $3.07 instead of $2.50. For some reason, I had a bunch of coins in my pocket at the time. The call never went through. Flying some more past the SkyTrain neighborhood at night. I never made it to my home.
Waking up I thought, why would I think that I live uphill from the SkyTrain neighborhood in Vancouver? I live in Victoria!
Sleep again. I was in a house where I owned a lot of cats.
Then I went to a restaurant. My old teacher high school PE teacher Mr Vance was there sitting at a table. At one point I was walking in there with a bunch of friends. Mr Vance talked to my friends but ignored me. I asked him why? No answer. Mr Vance then moved to sit at another table farther away.
Would Mr Nagano and Mr Vance still be alive? Mr Nagano was about 44 years ago. Mr Vance was about 35 years ago. Mr Nagano looked younger than I have ever seen him. He was wearing a light blue collar buttoned shirt.
Mr Nagano banned me from that library because he is dead and also most of the librarians who worked there when I went there are also dead and I am one of the living. The spirit of the living are not allowed to associate too much with the spirits and the places of the dead.
Why am I having dreams where my old schoolteachers appear? Maybe because I myself was once a schoolteacher for several months teaching English in Thailand. I might do it again but I doubt it. I doubt all things. I doubt I'll ever travel to London England.
Every night now, like a production line, one after a fucking nother, strange weird bat-shit crazy dreams. I wake up from these dreams scared shitless. That's my reality. I often wonder why I am still alive.
Tuesday, September 28, 2021
Yesterday on Monday, at one point I dreamed of visiting a marijuana shop and the pot had a few colours. Green. Red, purple and yellow. I picked large bedbugs off of a bed lots and lots of bedbugs. The bedbugs were all different sizes. Thousands of little bedbugs but some very big like supermajors in the ant world.
I was standing on a skybridge and said, "The pope sent a lot of people and us to the Arctic yet it doesn't feel cold."
More to the dream. Won't get into it. A flurry of a thousand images in 40 minutes. Going to parties and seeing a lot of people.
Today, I dreamed I had new stereo bass headphones. I saw my stepmother in the distance sitting next to a swimming pool. Night time.
Don't be scared of dreams. Just ignore them like ignoring touts at a third world airport. Being afraid of dream is being scared of something that is natural. It's like being afraid of the awful smells when one goes to the toilet. It's like being in a town with bad weather all the time and being afraid of the weather there. Don't be afraid. Just be indifferent.
Chances are, in two months you will totally forget you had that specific dream.
Covid 19 is hitting schools hard affecting schoolchildren. The answer is a two to three week hiatus and get the children to show up at school in small groups at a time for vaccination. That's when vaccines are available for them.
Thursday, September 30
I was seeing the movie Dune 2021. The movie theatre looked strange. No seats just a flat floor and a large screen. There was a black railing on the right hand side of the theatre perpendicular to the screen. A few people were seated on the floor on the right hand side of the railing.
In the same dream, outside there was a railroad fence. Looking at a building with the shape of a person inside, a voice of insight, "Every building is designed to be like a person." Dreams teach.
"We shape our buildings and afterwards our buildings shape us."
Winston Churchill
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This is the end of the line. I really don't want to write about my dreams anymore. They are too vivid, too crazy, too scary and come at a flurry of a thousand images in 40 minutes. Imagine seeing a thousand bat-shit crazy picture cards in 40 minutes. Could you remember them all? Would you want to?
That's it. Over.
Since I quit smoking weed, I get the most vivid disturbing dreams. Yet often in these dreams I am meeting beautiful young women, even kissing them. They are all White women. Not an Oriental women in the bunch - these days. Who knows about the future?
The meeting beautiful young women dreams are the ones I am reluctant to wake up from. It's as scary to wake up from a good romantic dream as it is to have a bad nightmare dream. Either way I lose, I guess.
I shouldn't fear dreams and dreaming. Any night, I could win the lottery of dreams and see either angels, aliens, Jesus, Royalty or happy friends and relatives who are now departed. Those would be a great dreams. These dreams are few and far in between.
Like Deadpool kind of said, every once in a while, something really sweet and really nice shows up in the midst of the usual stream of bad difficult bullshit that's typical in one's life. Then it's back to the regularly scheduled programming. Dreams are like that.
