This tablet is so damned retarded that it keeps generating typos. I have to constantly correct it.
Monday, August 9, 2021
After a month of caregiver burnout and the flat dreams, I am having unflat dreams again.
In a restaurant in Japan. I am eating a meal. Then one of two Japanese guys who are sitting with me drink my beer! I was shocked at that. I was trying to remember any Japanese that I knew.
Then someone behind me puts sushi in the plate full of food that I was having. I said, "Domo AriGATo." Like that with an emphasis on the gat syllable.
To my right there is another table. I am sitting on a long extended bench. At this other table to my right, 3 Japanese guys are sitting there. In between the tables I see a Japanese lady sitting down and wearing a blue floral patterned kimono and she is tied up with rope! A waiter walls past behind her going from right to left.
At the lineup of the morning breakfast coffee at the Catholic Church. Someone behind me is holding a very long white florescent light, parallel to the fence that is there.
Thursday, August 12, 2021
My father was pulling up to a house I was in a tan car driving from left to right. I was in that reminds me of an old friend's house. My spirit guide was with me. He was standing in the way of the door frame is if the door was opened, a door that swings inward the door would hit him. He quickly moved away. I decided to move away quickly too to a tan sofa in the adjoining room. The dream was then over. I never saw my father in that dream.
Why does my father appear in my dreams. What a dog shit family he left me with. Dead mother, no birth certificate, no information about my mother at all , gives me that chink name like he would have me go through life in Canada with that goddamned shit chink name. What a fucking dweeb.
Father: I don't know if I want to see you ever again. After all that, you still would invade and haunt my dreams like we're all buddy buddy?! Haven't you damaged me enough with your weird bullshit?!
Father, you really don't have to show up in my dreams. Don't put yourself out on my account. Don't do me any fucking favors!
Friday 13, August 2021. 11:00 to 11:30 pm.
Major lucid dream. I was in Thailand again. I go with my friend Jaroon to somewhere in Bangkok. Then there was a room area. He could go through but I couldnt because I'm a Canadian. The room had a black gate bordering it on one side.
This friend of Jaroons wearing a white tank top then massages me, every bone in my spine, popping one after another which was a pleasurable experience. He even tapped an area at my gallbladder and I felt better. He dry shaved me with a razor blade. Looking in a mirror, there were a couple of cuts on my face where he shaved. I asked him to stop or at least use water. I reflected at the time thats how monks are shaved.
The friend apologizes. He is afraid I would charge him or sue him for that. "I won't charge you," I said.
I asked about that room. "Jaroon, was that room you were in Laos? Were you in Laos?"
He said no, it was a special area, special administrative region. "Nakhon piset?" I asked.
Then someone comes into the room. The Police Chief from the movie Only God Forgives!
He goes into another room. He returns a minute later he he was talking to a young girl, a Thai child about 7 years old.
I run up to him and say, "Khun tumrooch, kor hie nek nam!" Mr Policeman, I am happy to meet you! You were very good in that movie! I asked him about Tony Jaa.
I asked Jaroon, "How do you say 'sword' in Thai?"
He then does a spectacular series of moves with his sword.
I decide it's time to go for noodles. We walk out looking for 20 baht noodles. Night time.
I'm thinking, "This is just the start. The first day of the trip. The next few days should be awesome!"
As we hop a grey metallic fence just in front of a redbrick building, I say, "I'm 51 years old and I'm in Bangkok again!" It was so real!
We climb a grey metal scaffold, and it was raining now, and my other friend Songkran is with me to my left also climbing the scaffold. "I can't believe I'm here. It's so real!"
Then a few seconds later a view of Queen Elizabeth 2 on a YouTube video thumbnail. She was wearing a pink- orange hat and matching suit. Only visible from shoulder up. I got the impression that she was concerned and looking for something.
Note: I haven't smoked pot for quite awhile. When one doesn't smoke pot, lucid dreams are much more likely. Smoke just a smidge less pot before going to sleep.
That's a sign that my burnout is over. The return of unflat and lucid dreams.
Illustrations? Sure, what the fuck. Eventually. It could take a few days.
Perhaps I should be in Thailand rather than here. I was intensely and profoundly lucky with women there. I am intensely and profoundly unlucky with women here. I should never have come here. But life could have a way of making up for lost time.
If I am ever in Thailand again, I don't want to come back. I have absolutely no one here worth coming back for.
Tuesday, August 17, 2021
Weird weird dream. Chinese. I was with some Chinese people. As a group, we were asked to answer quiz questions with a chance to win a white Lexus.
Then trying on different pairs of glasses, looking into a mirror. The glasses looked weird. I was opting not to wear any.
This dream on this day I can't draw pictures for. I won't even try.
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Royal dreams. Over the last few weeks I had a few quick Royal dreams. I'll describe them. At the risk of sounding even crazier than I am which is not good. My aim in life is to be normal. However, I always wind up being crazy.
I saw the Queen mother, close up of face, 4K vivid. She was about 55 and looking right at me. Big face with grey hair from shoulders up. White background.
Monday, August 16, 2021. Another Royal dream. A bunch of modern silver coins. One the the coins shape shifts, though not changing its actual shape into an old coin from the 1930s with a picture of the old monarch King George 6th on it.
Why are dreams so weird. Why do I get Royal dreams all the time?
Wednesday, August 18, 2021
At Oppenheimer Park in Vancouver, I find a small baggie full of other smaller baggies within full of crack cocaine, some of the baggies have an emblem stencilled on them, a fat Native guy with long hair wearing an army jacket is there and I give him that baggie saying, "I'd get busted with all of this." Then I find a small open baggie full of brown hashish which I keep to myself and put in my right hand pocket of a jacket I am wearing. I then ask the Native if I could have one of the baggies of crack. He gives me one of the small baggies. I drop a bit of the crack. I then go on the ground trying to salvage the white particles of crack. I find most of it after a few seconds.
Then in an alleyway opening in Chinatown, a blond haired undercover cop is yelling at someone then he grabs my left hand and just doesn't let go. He wants to ask me about the one bag of crack I have on me from Oppenheimer Park. He says that crack was 237 degrees. I think he talking about its melting point. For some reason he doesn't search me and doesn't find the bag of hash.
In this dream, I am staying at a rooming house. I run outside to the front of it, and the whole place, building and the streets is covered with snow, reminding me of the crack cocaine.
This is a weird dream because I don't smoke crack and I quit smoking all forms of marijuana including hashish some time ago because that stuff gets me paranoid as heck. The novelty has worn off, especially after having smoked it for 30 years. I don't like the paranoia I get, thinking my mind is defective and maybe I need to be institutionalized for that level of involuntary paranoia.
One more thing, the undercover cop grabbing my left hand and not letting go reminds me of a News story I saw on the 17th. An alligator grabs a woman's left hand and doesn't let go and this was during a child's birthday party. Someone jumps into the pool and rescued her. Had she been alone or that person not been there and jumped in, she would have been killed! Or else seriously injured.
OK, more weirdity and weirdness that is what the dream world is all about. Quick dream of a black lady, young, about 21, very short hair, slim, and wearing glasses. She is riding a bike headed South on Douglas and Simcoe. On the back of her bike, she is carrying something very very weird. This is what it was: last week, I steamed some fish. There was extra steamed fish liquid which I poured into a mug intending to drink it very soon afterwards. However I didn't drink it at all. For days, there was a fishy smell in my room. I thought it was because I steamed fish, the smell permeated the walls, similar to steaming lobster. Days later, the smell was still there. Only yesterday on Tuesday the 17th did I discover the leftover steamed fish liquid in that mug. The colour was a dark yellow, almost orange. I poured it out! But imagine if I thoughtlessly poured some other liquid into that mug like root beer and then drank it? I think I'd be dead or else very very sick from food poisoning. The black lady had that on the back of her bike. To me, I think that lady represents death and that I would have died if I drank that foul toxic fish liquid.
I am thinking of visiting that area of Douglas and Simcoe to see the House of all Sorts today. That's why I incorporated those two things in my dream.
As for illustrations, I am behind in illustrations. So many dreams, so many images, there is a back-log of work. I might draw some illustrations, I might not. Most novels don't have any illustrations anyways.
Every day, I have vague non-specific fears of the future, based on the information that I have about the past. My future, I imagine will be bleak and doomed and fucked.
The Dean Noble's Book of Dreams is a gold mine. It's a publisher's wet dream. Unfortunately, I don't see even a cent of it. That's life's grim set up. Goddamn the forces of life. I do all this and get absolutely nothing in return. I hate life and I wish I had died years ago because of this.
Who knows? I might get money from this one day, but there is also a side of me that doesn't care about money. The best people are people who are not money obsessed. If I never get money from this, that is something I can accept.
Thursday, August 19, 2021
More of the really weird shit of dreams. What were the chances of that? Why are dreams so weird?
I was in a bedroom, two separate beds next to one another. At the bed closest to the wall, I was reading a coffee table picture book. Purple picture.
At a distance away, were two gay guys, young guys. They were laughing, "He takes himself so seriously." And other words I forgot.
Then a staircase and on the left side of the staircase, lined up on one step above and below another were things for spaghetti. Two packages of spaghetti, one a thicker spaghetti, one a thinner spaghetti and a few cans of tomato sauce.
I wake up every morning with fear and dread now.
Friday August 20, 2021
One of THE greatest dreams I have ever had.
I got on a bus at the Northwest corner of Hamilton and Pender in Vancouver, slightly cloudy day.
I was on a tour bus going to England. On the bus. A bunch of people were with me. It was strange as the bus not a plane took em there and it was shaped weird. There was a bunch of people with me. On that bus we were told that one of the Beatles died. I cried and got the heaves even. One of the British passengers said, "You don't have to get the guggles." "What does that mean?" I said? He said it mean crying. "There is so much British slang" I said.
Finally we arrived in England. I was in a car with some people and a young Prince Charles and Lady Diana were in the front seat. Diana had the right hand window seat. I only ever see the back of their heads. Princess Diana's hair was bouffant as always but also perfectly feathery as that I've seen on many ghosts. Using conditioner makes the hair feathery. Strange, the cars steering wheel is on the left. In England, it's on the right. Anyways we soon stop and it is night. There is a booth display. A plastic Prince Charles with big ears, a plastic and orange mug of beer in the center and a plastic Prince Philip. This booth had an interior and someone else was in that interior. We all got out of the car, of course and as Prince Charles and Lady Diana left, I thought that I should have looked at them more instead of politely not looking, but they probably looked at me a few times!
I knelt down and kissed the speckled cement ground as I was so grateful to be in England.
We got on that original bus again.
Then out the car window I see downtown London. It was daytime and I see the building called the gherkin clearly in the morning light. Then in the afternoon light we drive on and see a field in the distance. It was a theme park of the Beatles Strawberry Fields. It was comprised of flat wooden cut-outs of the Beatles in Sgt Pepper uniforms. We all sing the words, Strawberry Fields Forever.
We arrive at the destination. It is night time. Running across a medium sized yard, we reach a house. I was one of them last to arrive into the house. Two young ladies are there and they are doing a strip act. One leans backward and puts two or three of her fingers in her cunt. I look and say, "Oh no, l missed most of that." She says, "Don't worry, you can't have this!" right to me. I said, "I don't care!" Really I wasn't there to be on the make.
Sitting down at a table, a young lady asks me if I want anything, she lists some things, drinks, crackers, biscuits, cheese, beer. I said, for some reason because I don't smoke pot now, "Do you have a doob?" Someone reminds me that this is a legal trip and I shouldn't ask for anything illicit.
I go into the yard, it is night. I do a backflip twice. The second time it is successful. Then I go into the house and do a successful backup off of a bed. Then go into another room and the lady who told me I couldn't get this was named and lying on her back. I licked her pussy and fingered her while doing it too. She really liked that! Then I got it on with her, and coming within.
That's when the dream ended. I thought, as I was describing to someone on the bus what happened. I said, "I was on a bus tour to England. I was told one of the Beatles died and I cried. Someone said to me, "You don't have to get the Guggles" "What does that mean?" I said. "It means crying." "There is so much British slang." Then we arrive in England. We get into another car. Young Prince Charles and Princess Diana are there. We arrive at night and see a booth. There is a plastic Prince Charles with big ears, a plastic mug of beer in the middle and a plastic Prince Philip. Then we drive down a field and see a field that is a Strawberry Fields Forever theme park. Then we get to a house at night but I am one of the last to arrive. There are two ladies stripping. One of them is standing, leaning backwards and putting two or three fingers in her cunt. She says, "Don't worry, you can't have this!" I said, "I don't care!" Then a young lady asks me about refreshments, beer, biscuits, pickles. I said "Do you have any doobs?" I then do some backflips in the yard and when I come back into the house, I do two backflips off of the bed perfectly. I then see that original lady again and was able to get it on with her."
This is called a false awakening dream. This is when one dreams that they have awakened when they have not.
It was at this point, I really woke up and said aloud to myself, "I had the best dream!"
This was a lucid dream! Dreams are more lucid when one doesn't smoke pot. I'm scared to smoke it because of 'the fear'.
I could go to England one day, especially after having this dream but arrangements will have to be made because in my current state of finances, there is no way I could go there now. And it just might be!
As I was writing this, a bit of fear and anxiety and what were the chances of that nowadays?
Drawings and writings can never convey what I saw. I saw it in photorealism. For your eyes only, baby!
Do I have to slavishly draw all pictures in all dreams? Drawing crowded rooms full of people sitting down is really tedious and hassle. Most of the time, you wouldn't get as much as most people can't draw worth anything. I'm not going tomdraw every picture of this or any other dream. Or else I may or may not draw them in time. It takes my mind some time to wrap itself around the challenge of drawing any additional pictures. And what do I get for this? Nothing. That's life, give out a certain kind of energy and then get absolutely goddamned nothing in return. That's the deal?! I'm better off dead. Maybe God can give me a death-stroke. I get some massive stroke then I die. That's better than a life of give something and then get nothing in return. Or else get shit in return.
I don't remember my past life at all. So in the next life, I won't remember this past life, therefore someone else will be going through the problems that life seems to be so saturated with. However I will experience that life and whatever present moments therein as intensely as I do now, but as a different person. I don't think I have what it takes to live life and to handle the future. I think I'm psychologically defective particularly when it comes to my personal sexual fetishes involving older, heck, old women. I'm fucking gone! I'll be surprised if I'm still alive in a year. I think I'll die of mental collapse and lack of confidence and generally having lost the will to live. What's the point? Life is always going to be fucked up and crazy. I'm 51. I'm old. I'm finished.
Since I never asked for these dreams, it's not like I said, "I really want to have dreams of England that include Royalty." beforehand or ever, I don't think I really have to go to England under my financial power or lack thereof. Traveling to England would be a major hassle! Unless arrangements are made. Perhaps arrangements already have been made. I had the dream, didn't I? Maybe that's the pre-arrangements having been made.
These dreams mean nothing to anyone else. Unless there a science behind dreams I don't know enough about? I have a few clues but since dreams have been around for millions of years, even animals have dreams, I am sure there are people who know a lot more about the science of dreams than I ever would.
Most people wouldn't even talk or write about their lucid dreams let alone draw pictures too as most people can't or won't draw artistic pictures. So it's a wonder that you're getting as much as you're getting. That is if anyone even reads this. From appearances, it looks like less than five people according to the view count, have ever seen this blog.
Why would they want to see this blog? Isn't their life crazy enough as it is?
I dream of Royalty all the time. All the time, all the time, all the time Royalty. My brain has turned into a Royal Dream Machine. Why would I dream of Royalty? I'm a nobody on welfare. I don't know about you, but everytime I think of someone on welfare, I'm thinking of people who always have Royal dreams. Andrea Perron said, "Once you open a certain door in the paranormal realm, it's impossible to turn it off." She got that right as in my case, have one Royal dream, have hundreds of Royal Dreams.
I think the future King of England knows me and wants to meet me! Maybe the King of Thailand too as if you follow this blog, you'd know that I had countless dreams of seeing Thai Royalty. And I had at least one dream of the Emperor of China, one of these dreams very vivid and unmistakable. But that Royal line is defunct, dead! It ended in 1911. Whatever.
I doubt that I have seen the last of any Royal dreams. Not by a long shot. They keep coming back! They WILL keep coming back! I have to brace myself.
Sunday, August 22, 2021
Walking down an alley in Bangkok holding a thin large hardcover book and a meat cleaver. My friend Songkran is tending a market stall. I put the cleaver down on the floor in the center of that stall. I tell him, "I've left a knife for you." He said, "Good."
Wall down that alley. As tuktuks approached and were driving down the alley towards me, I did a kungfu butterfly kick and landed holding on one hand the book up on its edge.
Another dream, same day. Walking into a room, there was a bunch of things on a drawer including a 2 gram skunk chunk in a small transparent plastic baggie. Marijuana. And some marijuana leaves were shredded on the ground in a long thin rectangular shape of a joint.
Pictures? Too many pictures. Backlog.
Yet another dream that's absolutely bat-shit crazy. Cray cray. What were the chances of that?!
Monday, August 23, 2021
Ready for more bat-shit crazy? I'm not sure that I am.
First dream. There were two grey with black stripes tabby kittens in my room. I ate one of them raw. But decided to spit it out only spitting out parts of it. A couple of legs here and there. I threw one of the legs out the window where there was construction down below and there is construction. So I incorporated that. The mother cat all black with white mitts and a white chest was below and jumped onto my window. As soon as she smelled my breath, she know image one of the kittens. This bother angry of course so as I held my hands out to deflect her, she bit my fingers, chewing down hard.
More inconsistency. In real life, how could and why would I eat a small kitten? This would be way worse than eating a treat egg. The physics of the dreamworld is bat-shit crazy as ever.
Second dream. Nightmare. Crazy. Doesn't mean it will come true as I had dreams of meeting dead Royalty as if they were alive. Would that come true?
I was wearing a Santa hat. I visited some places I thought were Churches. When I went back to the two houses I visited, they were not Churches. One house was the house of a Chinese family. I left them and visited the house of a Russian family. For some reason, I told them about the bubonic plague. "Yersinia pestis enters the bloodstream and disguises itself. It then goes into the lymph glands. You can cure it with..." I forgot. When I left the house outside, I rembered the word I wanted to use. Penicillin.
I was walking with the Russian family at that point. They had a suitcase. As soon as they dropped it, a bunch of viruses flew out. Red viruses. They were in the air. We all ran. I ran the fastest. Then there was a wind blowing in the other direction, blowing the virises away. Inconsistency with physics of dreams and real life. First of all, in real life viruses, bacteria are tiny. No way they'd be this big in real life but in the dream they were. These are supposed to be bacteria but these clearly look like viruses.
Then later on the street, the daughter of the Russian family did a backflip. Then she disintegrated. Then rolling up the right sleeve of the Russian boy of the family, he had lumps. Bubonic plague!
Then in a bar with a bunch of hockey players sitting at the bar wearing white uniforms with a blue design on it. The Russian boy was there too. The players knew he had the plague and rejected him. I was there too. The Russian guy was to my left.
This next part is really weird and it takes courage to talk about it. As if the rest of it previously wasn't bat shit crazy enough. This is near the end. We all go to a corner store to see about a cure. A couple of agents were there too wearing business suits. As the remaining members of the family, a mother, another younger daughter and the big went into the store, I was on the street. Then the two agents, gay, one of them was giving the other a blowjob. One was standing, the other was bent over doing it. I watched horrified. End of dream.
Does every night have to be like this? Crazy dreams? It's well known that smoking pot suppresses dreams and before I dreamed less often and then dreams were shorter in length or else what I could recall was less. Now they are longer and more vivid. Go back to smoking pot? It gets expensive. I was spending $200 a month on pot. Save money.
There might be an increase in welfare rates.
But the plague part makes me wonder about the future and its unnerving. At 50, all you have to look forward to is just getting older and then old. Would I die either of covid or else the time bomb vaccine that someone claims, but that's more conspiracy theory and misinformation.
The future doesn't seem friendly at all. Either smoke pot which is expensive and gets me as fearful and paranoid as hell or else bat shit crazy dreams. The dial of life has been set to crazy and then busted off with a sledgehammer.
Dreams rarely come true.
A YouTuber named struther said in a video, "What I wish I knew in my 20s." Said at a certain point drugs stop being fun and they stay not being fun. The law of diminishing returns. He quoted Timothy Leary, "When you get the message, hang up the phone."
Dreams don't always come true, good dreams or nightmares. I've had dreams of visiting dead Royalty or rather they visited me. I had dreams of visiting England. Would it come true? I don't think so. And if I ever visit England, it wouldn't be like my dream. It'd be different.
Wednesday, August 25, 2021
With a group of Lord of the Rings characters. Going to a cave to gather some weapons. Someone keeps a lookout just in case the owners of the cave return.
Then a March down a modern street with the LOTR weapons gathered in the cave.
Friday, August 27, 2021
Part of a longer dream although somewhat vivid at the time, now completely forgotten. A clown. Then a young black lady enters the room wearing a shiny black leather jacket fuchsia red with small black polka dots jeans. She says, "It's not any bigger. This is the size it is." She bends over in front of me and the clown. I reach my right hand out and touch the top of the young lady's ass!
Saturday, August 28, 2021
I was at a travel agents office about to book another trip to Thailand again.
Sunny-cloudy day. On a bus, a young East Indian bus driver was to drive me to the airport. He had no turban.
Then I got off that bus and as he pulled away, I yelled "Paki!" for some damned reason. I cross the street.
Then another bus with another East Indian driver pulls up on the other side of the street. Then a lady selling wares, specifically Thai curry in a round bottomed basket. Then another lady to her right walks up, she has some Indonesian tarts and sauce in a round bottomed basket. End of dream.
Why are dreams so annoyingly vivid and weird?
