Wednesday, May 3, 2023
I couldn't believe that I was in Vancouver again.
I found a tablet on the street at night. This was walking North on Gore between Georgia and Pender Street and on the East side of the street.
It was a tablet like the one I already had.
Then I went into a store that fixed computers. I said I had to use a computer because I left mine at home. Someone brought another computer shaped like a small rectangular box. The computer using service cost $5. I gave him a $20. He gave back a five dollar and a ten dollar bill which he left on the counter.
Thursday, May 4, 2023
I was working at a restaurant.
Then I was at a bus shelter drinking some strawberry flavoured drink. It was less viscous than the daiquiri strawberry drink I bought at the Dollarama.
Then I was in Vancouver again at night. I was walking North on Rupert Street on the East side of the street between 5th and 6th Avenue. I looked and saw the Lions mountain was on fire. It was a big fire and smoking. But it was soon put out by firefighters.
I heard a voice, "GOD even helps the hopeful lamb."
I then thought, 'I'm not that hopeful.'
Friday, May 5, 2023
I saw my old friend Wayne from decades ago. He was at my apartment. He is a Chinese man with a strange afro haircut. He had curly hair. He said to me, "Gary sure did something to your lips." This meant that Gary punched me in the mouth which I remember from an earlier part of this dream.
I was then on the street at night. The street was Carrall St in Vancouver. I was on the East side of the street between Powell and Cordoba and I was walking South. Then I stopped, sat down and I saw 2 songs. One was Angel that Anita Baker sang. I sang in a high voice like Anita Baker. Then I sang the Style Council song It Didn't Matter. Incidentally, the Style Council also sang the song Angel.
I walked around and saw a large scorpion like thing on the wall. It had a long tail that curled downwards.
Then I saw a few wooly bear caterpillars on a wall in an elevator. The elevator doors were to the right of this wall. A man who was was with me pointed upwards. There were lots and lots of wooly bear caterpillars. I screamed a high pitched scream like a girl. Weird dream. I just describe it, I don't understand it.
I walked around and returned to my apartment. I don't know how I returned to my apartment. I don't remember pressing a floor number on the elevator. I recognized my apartment when I got back there. I recognized it as mine although it doesn't at all look like the apartment I live at in real life.
Wayne was there again. End of dream.
Saturday, May 6, 2023
Coronation Day
2am to 3 am
Someone that was malevolent visited me. He said that he wanted to steal my energy. I thought, 'My energy can't be stolen.' I did feel threatened.
He was sitting on a couch. I then put a large wooden stick in his mouth and pushed the stick up very every hard onto the roof of his mouth. I then pushed the stick hard into his mouth towards the back of his mouth. This did it. This killed him.
As I was dragging the body out of the living room, I was thinking, 'It's shocking that he was alive and speaking words a few seconds ago and now he is dead and will never speak words ever again.'
7 am to 10:30 am
I was at a large big box store. I saw some motorcycles I liked and sensed that I could afford the motorcycle. I put down a payment for them. Then I saw a large motorhome I liked. I put down a deposit for that too. Then I left the store and after awhile I returned to this store. I was retuning in a large motorhome which at one point I drove over some large windows that were placed on the floor. This didn't affect the white motorhome I was driving.
Then the store manager asked me to pay another month's deposit on the motorcycle which was $37. I said that I changed my mind and didn't want the motorcycle. Since the motorcycle was still in the store, he could sell it to someone else and I knew that the deposit was non refundable.
I then went into a room downstairs in the store. The room had curtains draping it. It was a darkened room and the owner was sitting on a purple sofa. The owner said I had to pay the first $1,616 monthly deposit on the motorhome. I said I didn't want the motorhome.
I said to the owner, "What if I live in a large city like Seoul Korea or New York? I wouldn't need a motorhome then."
The owner said, "It's just like if you went into a gay bar and decided you don't like it. Doesn't matter."
I walked away then walked back and said to him, "Do you think I'm gay?"
He said, "Yes."
I said to him, "I'm not gay, but don't ever lose that imagination."
Then I walked upstairs. A Japanese friend I knew from years ago gave me a very large stack of brown $500 bills which I folded in half and put in my jacket pocket. As I was leaving the store, I was thinking that I could well afford the motorcycle which costs $3,800 and the motorhome which costs about $45,000.
The I was on a sports field. I recognized this as Strathcona Park in Vancouver on Prior Street. I was at the East side of the field looking West. I was then flying. I lifted up up up with no effort. Below there was a soccer game. I say my friend Wayne from yesterday's dream was there. I only saw the side of his black afro style hair and I also somehow knew it was him. I kept lifting up and flying as I didn't want to talk to him.
I flew on forwards once I lifted up remembering a YouTube comment I read somewhere which read, 'I don't half to walk. I just fly everywhere.' In real life there is no YouTube comment that says that.
I flew so effortlessly down an alley. Then two male friends flew with me and they were both to my left. They said, "You haven't visited for a long time. You can visit us anytime." They were friendly.
I flew towards a building with some graffiti spray painted on the outside. I flew towards the roof of this building. There was a DJ rave going on and I found it was an enclosed roof. I then flew to another building which was playing Duran Duran and David Bowie music. But there were windows preventing further flying.
I was then down on the sidewalk on the street at dusk and looking at the still lighted horizon which was milky white in color under a dark sky. I thought of the large stack of money that my old Japanese friend gave me. End of dream.
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I woke up feeling scared and overwhelmed. Life is scary and overwhelming. The future is so so uncertain and mysterious and unknowable.
I watched the Coronation last night. It was an elaborate Church service. I watched the Coronation on The Daily Mail YouTube channel. It was a perfect flawless event. When King Charles and Queen Camilla walked into the Church, they seemed a bit nervous. Then afterwards when the gold coach was rolling outside, there were some people booing.
London is the only town in the World that isn't a backwater. Every other town in the World next to London is a backwater. London is a clean and very well Policed city. You don't see any Vancouver style tent cities like on Hastings Street in London.
London is too big and sprawling and overwhelming and very expensive to stay in. Otherwise I have always wanted to go to London. Watching A Christmas Carol starring George C Scott gives me fernweh which nostalgia for a place I've never been to and anemoia which is nostalgia for a time I never lived in. Seeing movie set in London often gives me a strong feeling of nostalgia and feeling good. I don't know why.
Monday, May 8, 2023
I went into a Star Wars store and museum. One of the displays were two young Asian women wearing white dresses. They were wearing topless dresses and they were lying on beds. But they soon lay on their stomachs hiding their breasts.
I then went into a section of the store that had Star Wars stickers. There were some black stickers. One young lady sat to the left of me.
"You wanted some stickers, din't ya?" I said.
Then I left the store and came back. The exhibit with the topless women were gone. I went to another section. There was a Chinese guy there. I told him I could speak some Thai as well. I said, "Sawasdee krap." meaning hello. I said it loudly. Some people told me to shush. I then asked him in a softer voice, "Ben yung rai?" meaning how are you.
End of dream.
Tuesday, May 9, 2023
I went into a restaurant that I swore was a 1970s restaurant in Vancouver. So much so I thought it was the 1970s. It felt so real. The restaurant had beige walls, white pillars, large vertical rectangular windows with white wooden fixed venetian blinds and lots of small green plants. The tables were white.
Then I had a vague vision of going through a small tunnel. The tunnel had a stack of meatballs on a plate which was the toll to get through the tunnel.
Weird dreams as ever. Whatever.
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I have lots of dreams of Vancouver. My spirit misses that place and yearns to go back. I moved away from Vancouver before the advent of YouTube.
I'd like to animate cartoons in a big city like Vancouver rather than
in a small town like Dawson Creek or in a medium sized town like Victoria BC which I have been doing.
Canada might be the wrong country to do all that. The best towns to animate cartoons is either in Los Angeles, or New York or London England.
Kubrick said that in America when he told people that he was still working on his movie films, people seemed disappointed like they didn't want him to succeed. But when he moved to England and told people he was still doing his movies, people seemed genuinely happy for him.
Of course Canada has the euthanization program for severely depressed people. Canada would rather euthanize people than to suggest that they move to another country where they might be happier. Different countries are differently suited to people of different personalities. That of course is the thug agenda which is to tow the local line.
People who are brash and loud and aggressive are more suited to North America where that type of personality is held at a premium. People who are soft spoken and mild mannered might be more suited to Asia where that type of personality is held at a premium.
Being an expat has its pros and cons. One definite con is the steep learning curve when it comes to learning another language particularly spelling and writing that language which is at least 3 times as difficult as speaking another language. Some languages are pictographic. Every time you Wat to write a another and different word, you have learn to draw another and different picture. Pictographic languages lack certain grammatical technologies such as capital letters, adverbs and tenses such as past and future tense like in English when -ed is added to denote past tense. However some might say that past tense and adverbs are extraneous and a language can function quite well without that.
There's Dunbar's number where supposedly people can only remember about 150 pictographic characters at any one time although they can remember more if they see them to read them. Most people who use pictographic languages say you can function on knowing between 2,000 and 3,000 characters whereas English vocabulary comprises of tens if not hundreds of thousands of words including scientific vocabulary of physics, chemistry etc.
I like the English language much more than any other language. I do have a token respect for other languages but knowing too many other languages is kind of geeky. I wish the world had only one language but the alien overlords of much higher intellect have corralled this species like farm animals. The aliens species that control humanity are so intelligent that they have deliberately not made themselves known to prevent any possible rebellion or insurrection. Their method is divide et impera, divide and conquer and languages is a way of partitioning the human species.
I saw in a YouTube video that Larry Page, CEO of Google called Elon Musk a speciesist when talking about AI and the human species. Speciesist, that's a thing. I've often talked about how pernicious and egregious the human species is. Google never paid me for my cartoons or writings. Although they might possibly make money from it without paying people royalties for their work. All these royalties hoarding people who run Google were once babies and children of parents. That's one reason I don't want to be a parent. I don't want to raise a child who will one day work at Google and be data swillers who don't pay royalties to their contributors who hire hackers to supress view counts and tilt the algorithm to artificially promote some and artificially demote others. Life is wretched. All this is relevant because I'm alive. If I died years ago or if my mother had done the good thing to abort me, I wouldn't have to still worry about this today. My mother really screwed up my life when she didn't abort me. My mother died when I was an infant. I wish I died then, along with her because we'd be a matched set kind of like a pair in poker which is also a kind of flush in poker.
Why did my mother die and I live? I wouldn't have chosen for it to happen that way. My optimal choice is that my mother lived and I died. I would go back to 53 years ago and trade my life for my mother's life. My mother was the better person and the smarter one. She wouldn't have spent her life on welfare like I did. My mother was solidly middle class. Every mothers day is very painful for me. It wouldn't be painful like this if I had died decades ago. This is the damned hand which life has dealt me. The egregious pernicious forces of life had to do that to me. It just had to. Damn the forces of life!
This is me journaling.
My mother dying and me living is God's will?! What a strange God.
God should have worked it so that my mother lives and I had died. Sometimes I have difficulty in having faith in God. This is why.
Wednesday, May 10, 2023
I was in Vancouver again trying to get a hotel. I had a couple of money orders made out to a hotel written on plain white paper. I went to the hotel and they said I could wait upstairs.
I went to a bedroom upstairs and there were all kinds of pencil crayons on the floor. I needed a pencil sharpener. I looked and saw one on the floor. I picked it up.
I then went to another hotel.
I went down an unpaved dirt alley. There no buildings just grass surrounding the hotel. It was called the Crown Hotel although it was a 1 star hotel whereas the one I was at before was a 3 star hotel. The entire one storey Crown Hotel was covered with a large blue tarp. I saw the landlord sitting in an area just inside the hotel. He was sitting with the assistant manager. It was night time. There was a flourescent light suspended on wires just above the round table that the landlord was sitting at. He had his feet and shoes on the table top.
I asked about staying there. I went to the yard and saw some people sleeping sleeling bags in the yard of the hotel.
I thought of staying with my cousin Tom.
Then I went to the UBC endowment lands forest. I remembered that I knew of two hollow logs I could sleep in. In real life I don't know any hollow logs but somehow in the dream I did.
Then I saw a baby bear. I thought the angry mother could be near. I got out of there rolling on the forest trail with my red scooter.
Then I was at the edge of the main part of the University. I saw a University girl walking across a parking lot. Then I saw the large mother bear. It seemed distracted, looking at the ground. I rolled away down the parking lot on my scooter.
End of dream.
Friday, May 12, 2023
I was at a Chinese restaurant at night. I tried getting some food but the restaurant workers were at that point cleaning the shelves.
Then I waked down a hall and saw someone who seemed familiar. I walked with him into a room at the hallway. He was my dad but he had really tan skin.
I told him, "I read a book that said when one reaches the halfway point of life, the energies change and they start moving away from some of the things they were interested in. I am afraid of growing old and death."
He said, "Don't talk about death. Shakespeare said to enjoy the days of your life."
I was then at UBC. I sat at a table. There was a dark haired female student. She lectured me about the geology course she was taking." I listened but couldn't remember anything she said.
I thought about it and wondered if UBC offered an animation course.
Wednesday, May 17, 2023
"I can't publish that. If I publish that, I'll go to jail." William Burroughs, what his editor said to him
I feel that way about just about all my dreams.
Night time. I went into a room where there was a laptop computer in a small table. There were two Chinese guys and standing in the middle of them was President Richard Nixon who was wearing a beige coloured coat. They fought me but I was able to fend them off and I threw them out of the single vertical rectangular window in the room where they landed one storey below.
Then I was in a room with a bunch of people. Still at night. I waited there expecting a group of people. I made a pair of nunchucks but with two connecting strings instead of one. I waited for quite awhile. Finally they showed up. There were a group of angry Chinese people including men and women that came up the street and they included my relatives. I said something about knowing Chinese and I did some moves with the nunchucks.
Then a group of angry Natives came into the room including men and women. I told them that I respected Natives and I once lived in Prince Rupert. They mostly left but there was still a man and a woman remaining. They were angry at me. I then told them that time is an algorithm with different dynamics. And that time travel is time experienced on an objective level. That is how everything is happening simultaneously.
They then walked a short distance away and looked at one another very calm and no longer angry. They seemed to be calmly ignoring me at that point.
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The dream world is a spirit world with a different set of physics and dynamics. Then why would there be daytime and night time in dreams. I thought that the spirit world was minimalist and a structure with a planet and a sun and a moon would be irrelevant unless a planet and a sun and a moon are also spirits too in the spirit world.
Richard Nixon was a surprise. I've never seen him in a dream before. However he was the President when I was born.
In the dream he was wearing a beige suit with beige blazer and pants. He was wearing a white shirt with a black and light purple tie with diagonal stripes. The stripes were two inches wide.
Friday, May 19, 2023
I was in Fort St John and Dawson Creek. There was something about hockey and dinosaurs.
Then I was in Dawson Creek.
I recalled being in different countries and when I walked down the street of Korea, people remembered me and the next day I was afraid because of this.
Then I was in Dawson Creek. I saw two hockey players on a flat screen at the bar. They were people I once met and now they are in the NHL, they were wearing white and blue Toronto Maple Leafs uniforms and they were only seen from the shoulder up. One guy had long brown curly hair. The other guy had regular length short brown hair.
I remember drinking one bottle of beer and then feeling good.
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The entire dream is bullsh*t. I never met any NHL hockey players. I never walked down the street in Korea. Why does my brain conjure up such meddled nonsense when I dream?
This bag of rocks which is my brain is the brain I have to work with for the next 20 years or more. Full of intrusive thoughts, certain specific intrusive thoughts occur when I see certain specific people such as movie actors etc. What a brain. This is only relevant because I'm alive. Had I died, all this would be irrelevant.
Saturday, May 20, 2023
A dream that went on and on like an Energizer Bunny but now I forgot most of it.
What I do remember is going into a darkened exhibit room in a museum where there was a small table made of wood that was painted brown. On the table was a small book bound in red leather with the word Royal written on it. I opened the book and looked in it and was shocked and pleasantly surprised to see sketches that I made of blue ball point pen on white unlined paper.
I went into another exhibit hall and saw white sweaters with golden Freemason symbols on the sweaters.
Can't remember any more.
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The dream couldn't be any more unlike me. I'm not Royal. I'm a welfare recipient. And I'm not a Freemason. Someone said of Freemasonry, "As one goes up the ranks, one gets more and more of their bodily organs placed under threat." One makes vows of secrecy and fealty in Freemasonry, one of them being the Sisyphusian 'If I divulge what goes on in the Masonic Hall, may my liver be torn out and fed to an eagle.' And I think the annual fee is $300. It used to be that one had to have two sponsors to recommend one to a Masonic hall. But now it's, If you want to be one, ask to be one. A person can just go and apply. Of course the annual fee is anywhere from $300 a year all payable in advance. There is a stipulation not strictly observed that one had to have a good means of income meaning owning your own business.
I don't actually know how secretive Freemasonry is as there is a whole plethora of YouTube videos that delve into the subject extensively.
One wouldn't want to get a Freemason mad at them because that person could possibly be killed as the book Sherlock Holmes and the Valley of Fear talks about.
Females can join the Order of the Eastern Star which is basically Freemasonry for females. It is a segregated secret society. The Eastern Star is Venus, the morning star. Years ago, I had a female pure white Guinea pig that used to be in a certain area in the center of the large cage every morning. When I woke up, I saw her there. I called her Venus. I love her so much. She was like my daughter. I love her more than life itself.
Monday, May 22, 2023
I was in Vancouver. A crowded hall. Heather was there. I got some carrot cake for her.
I was staying in Vancouver for a few days. I thought that I had to go back to Victoria but I enjoy and miss Vancouver so much that a short time after I go back to Victoria, I will come back to Vancouver this time to stay and live in Vancouver long term, perhaps for the rest of my life.
End of dream.
Tuesday, May 23, 2023
I was in Vancouver. At the airport there was a building that was a long ramp which led to to a window where anyone could see the airplanes fly away.
Afterwards I tried to look for this building.
The dream went on and on and I could only remember some, not all of it.
I visited my parents place. My brother and sister were there. I cleaned the floor and did dishes too. I asked them if I could stay with them during the month that I was to stay in Vancouver.
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In real life I doubt if my brother and sister are still living in the same house as their parents. I think my brother and sister got married. And I don't know if my parents are still alive.
In the movie Guardians of the Galaxy Part 3, Starlord was asked why didn't he try to visit his estranged father who would be about 90 years old.
Starlord thought that people died at 50. "Don't people die at 50?"
At the end of the movie, Starlord did go and visit his father. In the movie Rambo Part 4, Rambo went to visit his father.
Wednesday, May 24, 2023
I was at a workplace with two undercover Police women dressed in plain clothes.
I went to my room and a sink to the left of my bed was full of large black flies. There was even a golden fly. I sprayed the area with insect killing spray and wiped the area.
I went back to work.
Then I saw that a large square had been cut out of the botoom third of the dorr of my room. I looked through the square hole and saw two workers a male and a female.
I went to my work place to complain. I asked a lady, "How would you like it if it happens to you?"
Then I saw a red haired lady. She was a manager. I opened my arm to hug her but she refused.
I went up a ladder from one floor to another. The top of the ladder led to an opening to the floor above.
I was then told that we were all going to work at an apartment at 9:30 am sharp.
I slept in my room until 10 am so I missed it.
In another room, I sat at one end, long end, of a brown wood rectangular table.
One of the Police women was there. She was seated at the other end of the table directly across from me. A guy sat to her right. He was a guy I knew from Dawson Creek. He was a forklift operator.
She sat with her feet on the table. She was wearing black shoes and then suddenly she was barefoot. Her feet were pointed at my face. I was angry. I said to her, 'In Thailand when you point your feet at someone' a head, it is very impolite. It means that you don't like my face. I don't blame you for not liking my face."
End of dream.
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Even though the dream was edgy, I woke up afraid. I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay in that world. In the dreamworld, there is a lightness that is not available in waking life.
I still believe in heaven. For awhile I wasn't sure but then I realized that the dream world is like being in one floor of a building and heaven is a few floors up. One doesn't get to the heaven floor until they die.
I am not 100% sure that heaven exists but I am also not 100% sure that it doesn't. I try to be a good person for goodness sake. I don't try to be a good person expecting the reward of heaven because I'm not sure. I often think the afterlife will be a long extended edition of the edgy dreamworld.
Eternity is overwhelming. I might have apeirophobia which is fear of eternity. Eternity, living with no end with its issues however minor they might be in heaven eventually accumulates so that one could have a nervous breakdown in the afterlife in heaven.
I fear all things. I fear life. I fear the old age that looms before me. I fear death and dying because it's bound to be painful to a level never before encountered in life. And the afterlife, I fear that too. I fear either a neverending edgy dreamworld or else the never ending eternity of heaven. What would that look and feel like? The only solution is that even a life in heaven stops and blanks out into the restful darkness and sleep of non existence. No one has the answers. How can a human mind of 110 IQ grasp something as immense as that?
I think I will struggle with fear every day for the rest of my life unless an unexpected miracle occurs. Or something in my thinking changes and there is hope for that because change is the only constant.
Friday, May 26, 2023
I was working at a restaurant in Dawson Creek. I was working in one restaurant from 8 am to 3 pm. Then I said to the owner of another restaurant that I would work there from 2 pm to 7pm.
I worked at the first restaurant wearing my comfortable hiking shoes instead of my usual work shoes.
Then I went to a bank a couple of times. I sat in a chair in front of the teller. Also on the counter in front of the teller was a small white plastic open box wth no lid. There were $5 and $10 bills. I put the $5 and $10 in my pocket. Then on one occasion I put my left foot on the chair and put the $5 and $10 bills in my pocket. The teller saw this! She said, "Thief!" I put the bills back. Each time I went to this bank, I got a cheque for $2,000.
Another customer then sat where I was sitting. I looked and saw the plastic box was full of $5 and $10 bills.
As I was walking away from the bank I was thinking that I should have just sat down and out the $5 and $10 bills in my pocket. Then she wouldn't have seen me take it.
I was then in Vancouver. I was walking East on Smithe Street heading towards Granville Street. I was walking in the North side of Smithe Street. I was on Granville and about to take the bus to the Skytrain station. I walked up the stairs towards the Skytrain station. There was a very narrow walkway that was also an escalator going up. I was thinking that there's no way that any fat people could go up this escalator including Heather who is fat.
At the platform of the Skytrain station, I saw some clear transparent plastic bags on the ground leaning against a glass walled railing of the platform. These bags had sweet pastries and donuts. I was about to pick them up for myself but an Asian lady standing next to them said that they are hers. I then helped her pick up the bags off the ground.
I then visited my father. I made a long speech. I told him, "At work there's a culture. There's a way to talk. Some people at work get invited to co-workers parties all the time while I never got invited to co-workers parties and I was usually ignored at work. I was never good at work culture and don't like it. That's why I'd rather quit work and even quit life altogether. You were probably good at work culture. You probably got invited to co-workers parties all the time." My father listened patiently, saying nothing.
End of dream.
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I dream of Dawson Creek and Vancouver all the time. I just about never dream of Victoria even though I live in Victoria. Why? Maybe my spirit would rather be in Dawson Creek or Vancouver. Perhaps I'm living in the wrong town. I am definitely living in the wrong town.
At one time at a bank, I asked for eleven $50 bills because I needed to pay my rent. The Asian lady bank teller counted 11 but I actually got ten. I saw it at the time and didn't say anything at the time but as I walked away and recounted it, I didn't get eleven $50 bills, I got ten. I went back to ask the Asian lady about it but she denied it. She stole $50 from me! This was back in 2011. That Asian lady doesn't work at that bank anymore. The bank was HSBC. She had a sneaky face and she probably did the same thing to others. People work in patterns. I hope that something bad happens to her.
The work culture thing is true. I don't like working at jobs. I would like to quit life altogether. Life is gruelling and it is a struggle. Either one is good at living or else they are not. Elon Musk is good at living. Anyone who is rich is good at living but even the rich have to deal with the hassle of growing old and being old and also the existential fear of death and what happens after. Best not to be born at all, not even born as rich.
I hope the friendship between me and Heather ends one day. I can't be working for her, essentially her servant because she is disabled but even before she was disabled she was very lazy and didn't have much stamina at all. I was always doing chores for her. There is no end in sight to this unless I just quit. Then the end is right in front of me. Nothing lasts forever.
"No BFF forever. No forever." someone on Quora
Existence is a batshit crazy trap. Life is crazy. The presumably never ending eternity of the afterlife is crazy. Maybe there is no afterlife. Maybe it's just lights out. But it is pointless that some very alive and very intelligent people spent their whole lives being intense like that and then it all ends with lights out, what a waste of time, what was the point of that? No one knows what happens after death. Life is terrifying, full of wrong towns and wrong friends and death is terrifying, intense, painful and any afterlife even the eternity of heaven is terrifying because of apeirophobia which is fear of eternity. Damn existence. I wish that my parents never conceived me. But since Einstein said energy can never be created nor destroyed then I would be some other entity and I would register to myself as me as another entity just I register as me to myself as who I am now. That's also the idea behind reincarnation. I as me, born in whatever year will never reincarnate again but someone else who will register to me as I do to myself now will happen in the future, although to that person, it won't be the future, it will be the present.
I never got money for my cartoons or my writings. That's why life was a waste of time for me. I wish I was never born and hope that I can get a quick and painless reprieve from life ASAP.
Saturday, May 27, 2023
I was a teacher. I looked into the windows of a door to a classroom and told the grade 5 students that I had sore shoulders and in the middle ages they wouldn't have been able to cure these sore shoulders. One male student laughed at me.
I rushed into the room aggressively and grabbed that student by one leg, the left leg and lifted him up so that he was hanging upside down.
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My father did that to me once. He was about to go on vacation. I said to him that I didn't want to be stuck at home with him not being there. He said, "You'll be with your mother." I said, "She's not my mother!" My mean stepmother. He then lifted me up, grabbing one leg. I was upside down and then he punched my other leg, a medium punch, not hard but not soft.
That's the kind of upbringing I had. I always wonder why I even bother living and have thought of giving up on life thousands of times.
Currently I have a sore lower back that's been there for days, a sore hip. It's because it's a repetitive posture injury. I have been leaning forward too much. I've had this injury before.
Sunday, May 28, 2023
I went to a dinner for poor people.
Then I was at an RCMP Office and was given a dark blue RCMP track suit with thin white letters reading RCMP.
I then went back to the lunch for poor people. The man just outside at the door announced that all diners were to go left. I was then told that I was not permitted to the lunch because I was an RCMP Officer. Or so they thought because I was wearing that track suit.
I then went to an RCMP supervisor's office. I told him about what happened. He shrugged and said that it happens.
I was then on a large Star Wars ship. Tie fighters were outside the ship shooting lasers at the ship. Han and Leia were with me and they volunteered to go outside on the deck of the ship and to try to shoot the Tie fighters with laser guns.
While they were outside, I was in the ship and saw Tie fighters shooting the ship. I then decided to escape to another planet, Coruscant. I pressed a few buttons on the console. The ship then went into light speed. I was thinking there's no way Han and Leia could have survived that. I was then on a planet like Tattooine. It was a dry desert planet but it was a cloudy day. I heard Alec Guinness voice and thought that it sounded so very much like Ben Kenobi.
I looked and then thought I saw Han and Leia.
Monday, May 29, 2023
I was walking West down a highway at night. I recognized it as Lonsdale Highway in North Van. I suddenly saw a few large birds. Some of them were vultures. I did some martial arts poses and picked up two sticks from the ground to ward them off.
Daytime setting. Then I was at another place. I did some practice half backflips half aerial cartwheels over a bench. There were a lot of people around.
Then there was a display with a boat driving around in a large pool. Daisy the dog is there. Daisy is Debbie Hellion's dog. She was swimming in the water as I cheered her on.
Then I went to a front area of the pool. There was a merchant there who said I could buy some snacks. The snacks were priced $8.99, $11.99. I thought that was expensive. I said that I was just there to pick up some glass off the ground to throw in the garbage.
Then I was at a nice large expensive house made of cedar wood. My brother was there. There was a large bear on the grounds. We could hear it growling. I said to avoid the bear because it could chew a person's liver making it look like cheese on a pizza. I said the bear went for the sweetbreads like the heart and the liver since it has more protein than meat.
End of dream.
