Tuesday, October 6, 2020
At a nice suburban block of apartments. The windows all have horizontal venetian blinds. I sense that William Burroughs is in the area but unseen. I go up a hill to the left of the apartment buildings. There are a lot of electrical workers all wearing blue construction hats.
I then visit a dentist's office. I see myself as the lower skin of my face is cut with a line following the jaw. Then that skin is pulled up to my nose exposing my bare jaws, my teeth and the meat and tendons surrounding that area. The skin of the rest of my face now looks unrecognizable, like a dark thick leathery mask. A chief dentist appears and he knows three teeth out of my mouth with his fist pounding downward. This won't hurt, he said and it didn't! I saw three of my teeth two out of my jaws. My face is stitched up and restored. I feel some pain on my right side under the jaw. A slight pinch. The doctor wearing green scrubs to my right, as there are a few doctors standing around me says to me, "You're bleeding." as he mops up some blood flowing from the incomplete stitching.
"My life is going nowhere."
I was then lying on a white mattress a square plastic transparent covering over me. I am in a room with yellow walls. I think I am going to die. I get ready for the physics of the next dimension as the algorithm of the physics of this dimension is over. My life is going nowhere anyways, I am thinking as I am staring at the plastic covering around me. I ask one of the doctors in front of me pulling me, in panic I ask, "Could I be transferred to that device?" A machine to the right. The doctor laughs and says, "You'll be in there for a week!" It seemed so real I thought I was about to de right there. I felt faint send in my sleep while dreaming. I then wake up. During this night, there was a temperature drop. It was the kind of night that I forgot to turn on the heat and woke up screaming. My body must have registered the while I was asleep and went into slight shock and drop in heart rate.
Note: I had the dream the day Eddie Van Halen died. I also told about the dream at the dentist during my appointment. I also said that pulling the skin over the face around the jaws is an excellent way to get unfettered access to the teeth.
More September 2020.
I had a few dreams in September I was too lazy or felt too dismissve to talk about:
50 = 100 written in silvery times Roman font on a black chalkboard. If I made it to 50, chances are I'll make it to 100.
Same night: Two bottles on a table. An empty jug of champane and a full glass of beer. I nearly chose the white transparent champagne but was benignly but forcefully given the full glass of beer.
On Sunday October 4th, at a restaurant, there was a full jug of water. I poured from it and was about to drink that but the beer I ordered had just then arrived. I drank all of the beer and little to one of the water.
Another dream: I am at the Alaska hotel sitting at a small corner nook table. A young Heidi who was the owner approaches me and offers me a menu with pictures. I have enough money for this, I am thinking. But have to leave town in a couple of days. I was thinking I was awake and calculating how long it would usually take to leave Dawson Creek.
I the run down a soccer field and there is an airport building that looks like the UBC SUB.
I run to a grass hill of the soccer field, a fence on top of it. I run around a natural corner formed by the hill and the grass. Just then the building caps apart. One wall section, then another, then the whole building.
Another dream. At a place near Gain Wah restaurant in Vancouver. A store. There are two East Indians wearing white chef uniforms working there. I ask for noodles and beef. I point to one of the piles of for behind them, a stack of noodles, but was instead offered, as they said, better food from another pile. There was a sign next to them. M T W T F S S representing the days of the week, and the 9 and under that under M T W T F representing open from 9 to 5. Anyways I drew them as workers in the lower levels of Coruscant in my Mace Windu Returns cartoon.
I then go to the Strathcona school soccer field. Early morning, looking Southeast to MacLean Park. I then see my friend Suzie lying on a beach blanket. I say T her, "After the cornavirus pandemic, it would be OK for us to be together again?" As I am saying this, I am petting her legs exposed as she is lying down and she was wearing a skirt.
Another afternoon nap dream. I emerge from a room into a balcony high over the streets. It is a cloudy afternoon. A brick railing only partially surrounds the balcony. On the railing is a small pile of snow. I gather the snow and throw it over the balcony. I lie down and look over the edge of the balcony, on the right side, a part that the railing does not surround. It is high up! There are then two strangers with me on the balcony, spirit guides. I sense that they think it is unusual that I would fear the height. They were almost saying, "This is a different set of physics. Your current fear of heights is irrelevant. You should know that you can't fall and die in this state, your a hologram!"
"You can't will them off, they're holograms." Woody Harrelson, Han Solo A Star Wars Story
I then run into the room. There is a set of two glass sliding doors, standard with modern balconies. As I run in, there are two beds. I sense the presence of Matt. Not good. He is somewhere unseen.
Note: A lot of people fear certain aspects of their dreams. They think if the dream something weird, it must mean that they're weird. However in this day and age, It's weird not to be weird! Sometimes gay people show up in my dreams. I don't care. It's not like on any night before a dream I say, I want to dream about this. I don't know what I'm going to dream of. Whether or not gay people appear n my dreams, it's still an interesting story.
Yet another dream: Wednesday, October 7, 2020
I am spending time with Suzie. I walk through a gauntlet of people with her, kissing her all the while.
I then go to a community centre in one of those towns between towns between Dawson Creek and Vancouver. After talking with some people seated at a bench next to a window, I turn a corner and I then see Suzie there! She followed me there!
I then go to a street market with Suzie. I walk across he street and then see Janey, a lad whom I used to kiss on the lips quite often. They are directly parallel across the street from each other! I the walk more at the street market with Suzie after I recross the street.
Then I go to a house that is white on the interior. It is the house of rich bourgeoise Chinese people. Then there is a knock on the door. I am instructed to his in the attic. However it is an open attic with a view on to the rest of the house. Looking down from the attic, it is night and a young Chinese couple is at the door as the door has a window.
The windows have vertical Venetian blinds. How bougeouise.
Then underground parking garage daytime. The same Chinese couple who appeared at the window of the front door of that Chinese rich house now appearing again at an open window of the parking garage and watched me do two Wu Shu butterflies. The first one was alright. The second one, I felt, why even bother and the second one wasn't as good. I was about to do a third one but didn't. The the couple said, "Your fist one was 91.7. The second one was 90.8." Ninety one point seven, ninety point eight, I didn't that I did that good. So I did another one better than the other two.
Thursday October 8, 2020
Snippet from a longer now unremembered dream although at the time it was quite vivid.
I am leaving some place walking down a hall. Three people watch me leave. As I was, I sense that I am passing the throne room. I walk on. Then I look back and think, why not go and look at the throne room? I go to look. It is an empty darkened auditorium with a centre stage covered with a large canvas. There is a drum set. Also flanking is the speakers, technical equipment. The is a blue light on the front stage area where the drums are. Throne room indeed. The chair the drummer sits on is called the throne.
This dream is a reference to Van Halen as Alex Van Halen, the drummer who sits in the throne, is the only living member left who has been there since the beginning and all through the David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar and Wolfgang Van Halen years and is still here. My biggest regrets musically are that I never saw a van Halen or Led Zeppelin concert. However seeing a Van Halen concert is like seeing a Led Zeppelin concert. One person is dead, the other three are alive.
The song House of Pain on Van Halen Zero which were sessions done just before the release of Van Halen one and where Gene Simmons of KISS himself was there at the studio the entire time during the session is just as good if not better than the version on the album 1984.
Don't expect me to draw pictures for every single one of these dreams. Drawing is tedious, I get lazy and sometimes even in a dream, I am in a daze and only quickly look of only half look at things. So details aren't that clear.
Later: Oh what the fuck! As you can see, I drew every single dream scene I described missing none of them. Energy drinks are a wonderful thing. Rockstar X brand energy drink.
Good thing I edited this. The last posting was glitchy as fuck but even then I fixed it.
I remembered this thanks to the Ebbinghaus effect and Zeigarnik effect.
Ebbinghaus. Hermann Ebbinghaus. Students remember things they need to know just before an exam and forget after.
Ziegarnik. Bluma Zeigarnik. People at restaurants exactly before paying the bill. Afterwards not so much.
The other night I experienced a precursor to SUNDS. Sudden unexpected nocturnal death syndrome. In the midst of a nightmare, electrical signals to the heart are weakened. It's also referred to as SADS or sudden adult death syndrome. As weird and painful as it might be, I just hope that it's gotten over with soon. Any chance to die in a dream I welcome because there isn't anything really good going on in my life. I don't have anything great to live for. Something good to live for? Sure, why not? Something great and definite? Nope. As far as I see it, my life is going nowhere. If I were to die, I really wouldn't care. I'm 50. I haven't gotten married or had children. If I knew my life was going to turn out like this, I would have had my mother abort me at birth. I spend all my time cursing her for not having aborted me. My whole life was a waste of effort. Seeing what has become of my life, I ask myself why did I even bother? Now at 50 I'm supposed to still goddamn think of marriage and children?! I don't want to get married. However I don't want to be single for the next 20 plus years.
To be 50 and still face the insufferable indignity of having to think of marriage is a joke. To be single for the rest of my life is also a joke. Either way it's a joke. That's why I want to quit life.
Once a person has come up with the answers like I have, I am a fully formed 3D preformed mold now ready to embrace the reality of the 4th dimension, ie the afterlife dimension. And doesn't need to deal with the physics of this dimension if things aren't working out for me and they aren't. I want to quit life altogether.
My old Chinese landlord said, "The twenties is so much effort with so little reward." My 40s were like that as well. That never seems to stop. Lots of effort, no reward. That's the deal?! How about this deal? No effort and no reward. In other words, I drop out of life altogether. Quit life altogether. How's that for a deal? That would be a better deal. Life owes me nothing and I owe life nothing. If life has been bad to me then I be bad to life. Better a good death than a bad life.
Draw a big black circle of death around the smaller sickly Green circle of a grim fetid life that never worked out and then blot everything out within that circle. Heroin overdose, suicide, just give up on a life that never quite worked out. Difficult is one thing. Impossible is another. I would opt for death a thousand time over than to attempt the impossible. When the dynamic of life has shifted to impossible, it's time to ask all the gods under the heavens to give me an option to just quit life completely. Better no life than a shit life.
My Chinese landlord would've said, "That's not the Chinese way." I would have then said, "It is the Chinese way." I would then refer to an old Mencius quote: I want life but I also want yi. If I don't have yi, then I don't want life. Therefore it could be said that I want some things more than life and that I fear some things more than death."
If I said that to him, that would have shut him up completely. I wish I could send him that message.
My Chinese landlord was so gung-ho about his Triad connections. I should have asked him to use his Triad connections to get me 4 papers of heroin, 4 flaps of down, as I have decided to simply give up on life. Life is as useless to me as I am to life.
A message to the subatomic forces, the force behind forces, the forces of life, aka God. Seeing that my life is hopeless and going nowhere, how about end my life during sleep during some funky dream and call it 'even'? I am talented, can speak a few languages, an articulate writer. So naturally the subatomic forces, the force behind forces, the forces of life aka God aligns me in the most hopeless future less dead hole of a town which has nothing to offer except yet even more of its future less backwater self peopled with the most gormless idiots. I describe my dreams online but I am in a world of dead people who lack any insight to give me the answers I want and need and I would know it when I hear it. Like Magneto said in X-Men, "You're a god amongst insects." However no don't really believe that I am a god amongst insects. That there are a lot of people who know about dreams and have answers that I don't. People in University study dreams and taken it very seriously. To them it's a science. They know about things, "It's a thing", but it's things I don't know about yet. To think that I would be a god amongst insects would be the Dunning Kruger effect. No one like that in this town. People in Vancouver are more intellectual than people in this town. I've come to the wrong town. When the pandemic is over, I'm moving back to Vancouver. My life is cursed but not cursed enough. Just as with everything else, there are levels of curses. Why couldn't I have been cursed to the level where I died at age 27? Or better yet, at age 20, or better yet, I need my mother to have aborted me at birth. I need to see the Tibetan green demon God that is stepping on a tiger skin rug with a pool of blood under it. Do you understand?! I need to have another nightmare as soon as possible. One where I die outright, right on the spot! Fuck the subatomic forces. Fuck the forces behind forces. Fuck the forces of life. No situation is better than a bad situation. No relationship is better than a bad relationship. I would much rather have no life at all than a bullshit life where I give creative energy toe World and get gormless energy in return. I would rather the Angel of Death visits me and takes my life to another dimension, different physics, different time algorithm, different existential dynamic.
As it is, I have another 20 plus years to reflect that even at 50, I never got married or started a family. Why not just cancel the 20 years of reflection and have God send me Azrael the Angel of Death? I could get some weird nightmare in the next few years, even months and decide to check out of the hotel of life. That last dream was a dry run.
Since I've decided hundreds of times over the years after turning the idea over in my mind hundreds of times, I've internalized the notion that I'd really in my heart of hearts rather quit this life and make a complete move to the after life. We are interdimensional beings. I want to move out. Going to sleep and dreaming is a partial interdimensional move. Dying is a complete interdimensional move. Anyways, when I've internalized the notion that I'd like to give life the old heave ho, that becomes the default attitude that one carries with them into the other dimension which makes it much easier and much more likely that I actually would achieve The Big Drop Out. Drop out of college, drop out of university, drop out of life.
Don't pay any attention to what I write. I'm psychologically defective. I'm psychologically fucked.
Saturday, October 10, 2020
I do a U-turn. POV.
"The animals are always around."
I was guess where? In Dawson Creek. Again. I was walking South down 110th Ave then on 97th Avenue where Zellers is, I saw no Zellers, an empty lot but instead two large black rhinoceroses wearing Thai straw hats, Royal soldier style! I see them and think, "I have to take a picture of this!" And I turn back. I will draw a POV picture of me turning back.
I head North and then turn right along 98th Ave to go to the Mile Zero Hotel. As I turn the corner I see a black car with Thunderbird written on the hood. Interesting. Then I go to the Mile Zero Hotel. A few people are there. An old man is sitting on a couch. I told him I saw two black rhinos wearing Thai imperial straw hats. They were huge!!! I asked him if they would still be there or if they would come around again. "The animals are always around!" he said.
Wednesday, October 14, 2020
1st dream. Columbia Street and North Road in New Westminster. Off trail. I see Columbia Street up ahead. I walk down one trail with someone, spirit guide again. Then turn right. Walk for about 200 metres. Then turn back. Some trees on a trail up above. For some reason I decide to go to those trees to hide and observe. I see some Indians down on the trail. Lone Ranger or what?
Then back down on the trail and back on Columbia Street at Caps Bicycles heading North.
This trail is what the area could have looked like originally.
Dream 2. I am holding a map and I am saying to myself, with spirit guide standing with me to my right, "There is a cheap and fast way to go to Dawson Creek. I should use that now."
Monday, October 26, 2020
I run to a house in a neighbourhood. There are already two people there. Spirit guides? They are sitting on a couch. A brown truck runs down the street from left to right. I am scared of it. As it does a U turn I go into one room behind the main room to hide and then another, behind an open door way joining the room to the right. The truck did notice me. It parked in front of the house and children from the truck were walking in through the open front door. They seemed to be wearing strange old costumes like at a convent reform school. They look awful, like zombies, purple smudges like a football player under the eyes and as the song says it best, "...the rosy red blush of the little children".
On the day I have this dream, I look out the window and see a yellow taxi doing a U-turn. Such signs are noted. Thank you.
