Monday, March 11, 2019
I was in Victoria BC, Canada,talking to a my spirit guide friend. I told him that I was going to Thailand for two weeks but then returning. I went into a room, there were Oriental people. Someone to my left's foot brushed against my leg. Oriental guy. Could have been a queer wearing a dark purple shirt and brown corduroy pants. It seemed like a come-on. I brushed the foot aside with a judicious martial arts block. And I maintained my martial arts attitude. Then I saw sitting across from me, my friend from Cambodia from when I was in Thailand Mr. Taei's brother. Then at one point soon therein, there were people at the windows of the room. I think they were the young Police Officers I was too see very soon, later on in the dream.
Then I was thinking that although I told my friend I would be staying for two weeks, I think that I'm actually going to secretly try to stay on here, permanently.
Then I turned a corner to my right hand side and stepped into a Police station! There was a prisoner sitting on the bench and there were three sergeant Police Officers sitting at desks, writing reports, they were wearing gold high rank uniforms. Then there suddenly appeared a line of young Police Officers wearing light blue fine wire knit sweaters. I saw two young Policemen, then a Police woman, short, South East Asian, but definitely very Police and then another young Police man.
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Tuesday, February 12, 2019
A map of Vancouver island. On the map are 4 dots representing 4 cities. The one is red is the city that is the target city. The rest are coloured in other colors. Dreams teach. Perhaps this is the best and most foolproof way to illustrate cities even to someone who doesn't speak your language.
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A few weeks ago, Canadian Finance Minister Michael Wilson died. I had a quick hypnagogic vision of him walking around a building. It was a cloudy day. The building was a large grey brick building. I think the building represents the money that a finance minister has to work with. I didn't talk about this til now because I thought it was too crazy or that it was just imagination. It took me this long to convince myself to do it.
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Wednesday, March 13, 2019
I was sitting in a cross legged meditation position but while floating in the air at the same time. It was night time and raining. Some people on a sidewalk saw me.
Then I was doing the same thing, meditation position, floating at a bar. I floated outside to the streets. Night time. At a glassed in bus stop to my left a couple of East Indian guys in their 30s gave me a thumbs up sign.
Then I want into a room I recognized as a room from a house I knew before. The house on Odlum, the room on the left side of the hallway as you go in, the room just before the kitchen. Someone I knew from the past was there. I once had a crush on a lady. So much so I went to where she worked, hanging out, only to be in the friend zone months later. How contemptible. I wouldn't do that for any woman. I'd rather die outright of a heroin overdose than to do that, and a thousand times over. I would rather make a death pact with Shiva and Kali than to do that. Anyways, some other guy got her. People told me about this guy, he's very competitive and possessive, hyper, etc. There were lots of guys after lots of girls. Why did he have to go for the girl I was interested in? Anyways, I haven't seen these people for 20 years. I don't even know if they're dead. If so, what do I care? I mean, who cares if they're dead? Anyways, I saw him in that room with maybe that girl. The room was dark, and I didn't like either of them to want to look too closely to make sure. I saw them, got disgusted, angry and left the room. Then I went back to the room and yelled at the guy. "Why did you have to get on my case and go for the girl I was after? I hate you and want to kill you!"
Incidentally, on the same day I had this dream, I borrowed Brad's Status which is a movie about envying people who you think turned out better than you. "That guy you envied who has two girlfriends? Don't call him after 5 pm. Total alcoholic. Hungover at all times. Cirhossis, hepatitis, liver deterioration, the whole 9 yards. You'd also envy him for that?"
Schadenfreude.
Come to think of it, I'm nearly 50, and that guy was 20 years older than me and had some health problems I never had. Maybe he's dead now. Neutral chaotic. If he died, I don't know how upset I'd be about that but I sure wouldn't be happy about it either. Life is bittersweet.
More disturbing. The man in this dream, that guy I knew years ago was Syrian. And then one or two days after this dream, the shooting at two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand that killed a lot of people including some Syrian people. This dream was either a warning or a reassurance.
I don't dislike the guy because he's Syrian but rather in spite of it.
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Thursday, March 14, 2019
My friend Charles in Dawson Creek asked me to check out a spare room. I said out loud, "This is what I expected it to look like." As I was looking down at a bed frame, no mattress, it was flat narrow grey steel slats like stripes. I didn't realize that I remembered that the beds in that old hotel in Dawson Creek were like that.
Edgar Cayce once said to look at events immediately before or after a dream for any correlations. The name Charles. On Friday, March 15, I found out about a reply letter I had gotten for donating to Prince Charles Prince's Trust. The letter had arrived on Thursday, March 14, the day of this dream.
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Wednesday, April 3, 2019.
Running up some stairs. A hallway then a room to my left. Someone in that room. As I run up the stairs, I say, "The once and future king! King George was the King in the past and King George will be the King in the future!"
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Saturday, April 6, 2019
"I've given up on life."
A Chinese guy walks in with a beautiful red haired, long haired college girl. At one point she stands in front of me as I'm sitting down. Nice white t shirt and beautiful body as I look up at her. I then say, "You can be lucky with a girl like that but I'm never lucky with a girl like that." "Are you OK?" The Chinese guy asks. I say, "I've given up on life." The Chinese guys says again, "But are you OK?" I then get a chance to hug the college girl, I hug her from behind and she leans back towards me as I reach underneath her t shirt and feel her tits. No bra.
"I've given up on life." "But are you OK?" Again, neither agreeing or disagreeing with me, not bothering to tell me that I wasn't awake. I was in a dream. Although they weren't. In the Polar Express, the kid asks "Is this a dream?" "YOU said it, kid!" Neither agreeing nor disagreeing as ghosts do. The kid was in a dream, but the ghost, Joe, was in his permanent residence.
I've given up on life. I'm glad I'm able to carry that with me in the Dreamworld. When I said that I give up on life in the dream, I thought I was awake at the time. If I had even a few thousand dollars, I'd be out of this town so fast. Again, I've come to the wrong town. I hope I'm not stuck here for life. I would go to Hong Kong. Or else Thailand. If I had a normal family, I would've gotten an inheritance, but I come from a shit family, so no inheritance. I wish I died years ago. Life has lost all purpose for me.
Yesterday, my father spoke to me in a dream. There was a blackout, I looked for but couldn't find my electronic tablet. He said, "Read a book. People used to do that before using tablets."
Is this the voice of the dead or not? Within the past week, I had another dream where I learned my father had died. It was scary because I was thinking, all those years he was alive I could have called him but I didn't. I don't care. No birth certificate. Liar all the time. I don't care if I never see him again.
I have to reinvent myself. I have to retcon my life as if I never met him. Influences fade. After years of not being influenced from someone, other influences emerge. Just like if I leave, I have to retcon this town as if I was never here. I wasn't, anyways. 'You Were Never Really Here' Joaquin Phoenix
Joaquin Phoenix is Joker in a new movie soon to be released. He is a genius actor. He is lucky and successful in life. I'm not successful, however, I've also given up on life.
Me as Joker, Arkham Asylum. My new look.
Reliefband dot com is an electronic bracelet that fights and stops motion sickness. I might use it for playing those motion sickness video games or else for those motion sickness YouTube videos.
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Friday April 5, 2019. Thinking about Pet Sematary. Falling asleep, usual annoyingly surreal hypnagogic voices: "Gravestones. They are there for your renewal." I guess death is a time of renewal for the spirit that died. Hypnagogic sentences often have that weird poetic bounce, a kind of iambic pentameter or trochameter.
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Dream. Monday, April 8,
Part of a much longer dream involving an older Chinese guide and a geometric solution for a video game. Then I walk down a street. A fence to my left. There is a cage somewhere along the fence. In the cage was a black panther. I backed away sensing the panther was going to attack. As I walked back along where I had come from, a man on the street said, "When that panther looked at your face, you gave it hope."
Originally, I wasn't going to write these dream stories. Too nebulous, too surreal. But now writing them, they make pretty good stories.
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"I give up on life."
Monday, April 15. Dream, mostly weird shit not worth repeating. "People call me killer but my name is Ralphie. Anyone calls me Ralphie, I'll kill you." Misquoting Stripes. "Don't insult me," a guy says to two guys who leave. The guy, a fat hairy dark haired Italian guy, who said that has a girlfriend with him. I was then sitting on the floor, the Italian guy and the lady were in front of me, the bunkbed was to my left. I then said something about giving up on life because I don't really feel like living it. When the Italian guy was walking in front of me, I looked away the whole time, looking at the ground. Seeing some guy wearing underwear is offsetting. Grim. So grim that I even was deciding whether or not to talk about this part of the dream.
Then I was at college. I said, "I never used to go to summer school but now I got to go to college?! If you quit college, they'd only be too happy to not refund your tuition. College likes to see the full years money up front but you can only pay for half a year if you can't afford a full year." And more weird but somewhat distinct hypnogogia: "I'll thank him in Hebrew in heaven." Strange. I don't think of that word, Hebrew, very often.
And then "Queen Elizabeth instructed her son Prince Charles to not be so shy." Like the Police say, "Tell us what you think you saw and leave in any details even though you think they might not be important."
I wanted to end my life at age 29. One day I had $30 and wanted to get 3 papers of heroin. I was advised against it. I wish I scored that day. I had psychometry that my life was going to be useless and it was. I regret not ending my life then and thus save myself 20 years of bullshit and grief. One time, someone who was at the World War 2 place, Auschwitz, that guy advised me not to commit suicide. That's how you really know that your depression is that far gone. You would think it would be the other way around. My life is going nowhere anyways. Death is not an easy process. One turns very cold from the inside out. But it would soon be gotten over with. Earthbound ghosts seethe with an angry indignation. I seen ghosts before, the young Native gamine wearing a hoodie sitting at the bottom of stairs who died recently and upstairs, the middle aged, middle class white lady wearing a black peignoir and a black veil covering her face! I saw that!
A few weeks ago, I had a quick but distinct hypnogogia vision. The Vatican, outside a house with pillars and rose bushes like the room in Godfather 3 at the Vatican where Michael made his confession to a Priest. Hitler and the Pope, or else a high ranking Priest, at that place. The lighting of that place in Godfather 3 was exact. Crazy. I will delete this paragraph in a few days. Not something I really want to write about. Not a priority at all.
I still think my life is going nowhere. Why not just quit life altogether with a heroin overdose?
I wish Canada was like Portugal where cocaine and heroin are legal. That way I'd have a vector to cut short a life I already determined is going nowhere. After I die, people will say whatever about me but at that point, the dynamic will have shifted, it will no longer be I am a loser to I was a loser. My old essence would have then been dropped, tossed out.
When she ended her life, she demonstrated that she was wise beyond her years. The ones who drove her to it, like my friend used to say, "Her troubles are over. Theirs are just starting." If she haunts them and something bad happens to them, ha ha, good riddance, they're human garbage that should be thrown in the garbage anyways. If I hear of their death, I would go out and celebrate their deaths with a steak dinner. I think all of Canada would. The human species is a defective species.
Life is only worth so much and no more. It is much better to die at age 9 of suicide than to live a very long life but all of it loser years. Such a life would be absolutely worthless.
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Continuing on with Monday April 15, this dream has some indignant embarrassing parts. I can't cover it up. So here goes. I gather my belongings and leave with some people. Some Star Wars bounty hunters are looking for us. Run into a large courtyard of apartments. Looking out for the hunters. At the other end of the courtyard looking up on top of a roof, I see a green Jabba the Hutt with two Stormtroopers but we duck quickly and they don't see us. I run back to my room taking advantage of the window of time. I go to my apartment we just left and I look for my two black foam nunchucks. After some time, I find them. I run out looking for my friends from before.
I go to a supermarket, the door is locked. As I am trying to pull it open, I yell something. Then running outside the supermarket, the manager appears, a short Spanish woman, middle aged, she says what I did was bad and the Police would have to be called. Then her and a younger Spanish lady are chasing me. I thought of insults to yell at them. Here comes the embarrassing part. I thought of yelling some tailor made insults, wetback would be a good word, I yelled that. Don't say bean queen* or beaner. Putana, that's a good word. I yelled it but that got them really mad.
Incidentally, the timing of this supermarket dream is curious. I wrote this on my other blog, Noble Films, writing to a note to someone, a young girl who then had recently committed suicide. This is what I wrote on that blog posting:
Books have advised against writing ghosts a letter but if I could write her a letter, I'd say, "You're in a different dimension now with a different set of physics such as telepathy with the way you may be hearing my thoughts to you now. You're arguably no worse off than you were in life. Your life, had you lived could have gone nowhere such as my life has. I often wish I died years ago as my life never really worked out. Forget this life and move on. A life that doesn't work out is worse than no life at all. The ideal is that your life is going to go somewhere, but the reality is statistically speaking, your life most likely would have gone nowhere like millions of other people's including mine has."
I got the supermarket dream right after I wrote the letter as I took a brief nap about less than five minutes after I posted that on the blog. The spirit world speaks in symbols; Writing a letter to someone that died or has recently committed suicide is like trying to yell into a supermarket that's closed and with its doors locked.
Then teleport to a park with a playground. I see a young blonde lady dressed in a one piece fuschia dress. I stay in the park for a moment, then walk away from the park. As I do, I see a Chinese guy wearing a light blue polo shirt riding a BMX. He rides past her. She calls to him, "Hey Eugene!" I walk away, then I get mad that why did she talk to him and not me? Which is stupid because maybe she has known that guy for years. And she doesn't know me at all. Anyways I go back to look for her but couldn't find her.
*In 1995, I made a one time visit to Little Sisters bookstore, gay, in Vancouver. One of the books they had, I looked through it, there was a glossary of terms. Santa Fe is a code word for lesbian. Some things you can't unsee and remain a source of intrusive and unwanted thoughts, years, heck, decades later. A blind lady once told me that in some ways she was glad to be blind because otherwise there are some things you can't unsee.
"You always talk about the day I went to school wearing a dress. What about all the days that I went to school not wearing a dress. Why don't you ever talk about those days?" Milhous, The Simpsons
